According to the Traffic Enforcement Centre in Northampton, in 2013 uncollected traffic violation fines were owed by 1,132,776 million motorists. I suspect many of those parking fines were accrued in Westminster, the largest and richest London council. Last year it earned over £29MILLION from parking fees and parking fines alone!
In order to make up for millions of pounds in parking fines the Council have failed to collect, council chiefs are now preparing to target PEDESTRIANS! A pilot scheme is due to be rolled out towards Christmas when the streets around the West End of London traditionally throng with shoppers. Westminster City Council intends installing a MINIMUM SPEED at which pedestrians may travel in and around the West End, starting from Marble Arch, and fanning out in all direction. Once you have emerged from an office, a shop or a department store, you will be expected to walk no slower than 4mph! If you do, expect a £70:00 ‘loitering’ fine. Of course there will be yellow ‘pause’ zones in which the elderly, the sick and the exhausted among you can stop to catch your breath, but you ‘must be in it to win it’. Persistent violators can expect to be foot-clamped. A release fee will be in the region of £140:00. If you ain’t got it, well you can get just one foot released for £70:00. Be assured, mobile speed-camera Nazis are already in training to f**k up your Christmas! Personally, I think this new scheme is outrageous! The minimum pedestrian speed should be increased to at least 7mph.
Really, is there no end to scientific endeavour? In the early stages of development is Westminster City Council’s ‘FARTOMETER’ programme. Any ‘open-air’ fart registering more than 2 decibels on said fartometer will get you a £30:00 fine, rising to £80:00 for louder farts. So if I were you, I’d ‘dumb down’ those infamous bottom burps!
WESTMINSTER CITY COUNCIL…WHERE NO FINE IS TOO LARGE AND NO EVICTION NOTICE IS TOO MUCH TROUBLE!