Ladies & gentlemen, do you want to smooth out your wrinkles and increase blood flow to your skin, then you might want to trying eating Esthechoc, the world’s first beauty chocolate, after all, a radiant complexion might save you going under the knife and still get you the man or woman of your dreams! Developed from original research by scientists at Cambridge University, the new wonder chocolate bar made by Lycotec promises visible improvements within 3-weeks, perhaps sooner if you were to melt it before rubbing it into your face or turkey neck rather than eating it? Each 7.5 gram bar contains 72% of cocoa, yet only has 32 calories. Compare this with one square of a 45 gram bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk which contains 240 calories. What is more interesting is the ‘fact’ each 7.5 gram bar of Esthechoc allegedly contains as much anti-inflammatory astaxanthin as a 300 gram serving of salmon. F**king nirvana!
Now look here, speaking as a lifelong chocoholic, I really do object to scientists hijacking, yes, hijacking my favourite ‘luxury’ food and repackaging it as a skin treatment that ‘supposedly’ banishes wrinkles. Some things are sacrosanct and should not be messed around with. Christ all f**king mighty, chocolate, in solid or liquid form should be taken purely for the purposes of pleasure and nothing else! Oh God, I do hope the health benefit rumours of eating Esthechoc aren’t spreading, otherwise I might be forced to take holy orders!