keep calm they're only aliens

Simon Parkes, a Labour councillor in Whitby, north Yorkshire, who claims his legal father is an extra-terrestrial reptile, who has previously claimed he had lost his virginity to an extra-terrestrial at the age of five, who claims to have had ‘hundreds’ of alien encounters, who fathered a child with an alien, and who still has sexual relations with beings ‘not of this world’ at least 4 times a year, speaking to an audience of 30 at The Vault, in Wallsend, Tyneside, claims that Russian President Vladimir Putin is being advised in the Ukraine conflict by a race of alien reptiles he calls the Nordics, who have offered the Russians new technologies with which to fight any American aggression, should it come to it!

It would be very easy for me to take the unmitigated piss out of the man, but at least Mr Parkes is not afraid to open himself up to ridicule. I don’t believe aliens exist, I never have. Indeed, if a strange-looking reptile knocked on my front door wishing to borrow a cup of sugar, I would probably think I’d been smoking some bad weed! And as far as having sex with an alien, chance would be a fine thing!


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