PENIS CAPTIVUS!

venus flytrap

Yes, that’s right, we’re talking captive penis, and it’s a right horror story, and I should know! Having spent part of youth watching horror movies, one would have thought I’d be somewhat anesthetized to the sheer horror of having my ‘manhood’ trapped for two hours inside my new girlfriend Sophie’s ample ‘docking station’, but not a bit of it!

Penis Captivus is when the muscles of the vagina…gorged with blood…clamp down on the penis much more firmly than is usual. Anyway, stuck fast waiting on the paramedics to arrive, my painful ‘situation’ reminded me of an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise. In ‘The Crossing’, a much larger spaceship crewed by non-corporeal beings, ate the Enterprise and steadfastly refused to let the ship go until after the third advert break! Locked together in the missionary position, a song kept rattling around in my head. It was Engelbert Humperdick’s rendition of ‘Please Release me’ (Let me go).

Thank God for cellular phones! So, to my predicament! The landlord opened the door to the paramedics, who, having assessed the ‘situation’, with I might add, some mirth, asked where the kitchen was. Since Fiona wouldn’t let go of me, ice from the ice-box was supposed to ‘frighten off’ my erection. Yeah, right! The only problem was, that night I had experimented with Viagra, so my stiffy was semi-permanent! One of the paramedics finally injected something into Fiona’s ‘engine management system’ in order to dilutedilate her uterus, and the vagina finally gave up my cock! And before you ask, no, I didn’t take a selfie! It was only after I had calmed down and we were alone again that Fiona admitted her ‘greedy’ vagina was prone to doing things like that. Jeez Louise, she might have told me that ‘before’ I swallowed a blue one! I suggested Louise wore a medical bracelet : “Enter at your own peril. Mine is no ordinary vagina. Mine is an ‘S & M’ vagina!” Thereafter, whenever Fiona came near me, my manhood went into hibernation. The lesson I took away with me was this: ‘Never take a vagina for granted, for it may come back and bite you!’ I did make one other valid suggestion. I urged the young lady to take out ‘Third Party Vagina insurance’ to cover the cost of any medical expenses should any future trapped sexual partner decide to go private!

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