PRINCE CHARLES ORDERS UP BOMBING RUN!

grey squirrelThe Prince of Wales has ordered a cull on American grey squirrels on the 200 square miles Duchy of Cornwall Estate in an effort to protect the endangered indigenous red squirrels, that now only number 140,000, as compared to the 2.5 million ‘Confederate’ grey squirrels that cause high-impact damage to the environment. As patron of the Red Squirrel Survival Trust and Air Commodore-in-Chief of the Royal Air Force, Prince Charles has called on the RAF to commence grey squirrel pilotless drone strikes as early as next week. Lets hope the drone pilots can tell the difference between a colony of eco-terrorist grey squirrels and a colony of red squirrel wedding guests. So if you go down to the woods today…next week, be sure of a big surprise!

Meanwhile, red squirrels have reappeared in the Lake District National Park after a 16-year absence, which is remarkable when you consider, since 1952, 95% of indigenous red squirrels have been wiped out by the squirrel pox virus that arrived in Britain in the 19th century on the much larger backs of American grey squirrels, who as it turned out had voracious appetites. Those red squirrels that weren’t killed by the pox virus, starved! If there is a lesson to be learned here, it is that mass immigration doesn’t work! But hey, what is at the root of this red squirrel fight back in the Lake District? Secret Martial Arts training by the SAS in Hereford, which involved the use of nunchuck sticks, Chinese throwing stars and other cool lethal weapons! Many of the now dispossessed Confederate grey squirrels have already applied to the American Embassy for visas for themselves and their families in order that they might return to the USA. Well it can’t come soon enough for me!

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