IT’S ALL A LOAD OF RUBBISH!

quarry

Folks If you’re thinking of moving to Britain, don’t! I’ve just heard on the grapevine, the Secretary for the Environment had given local councils the authority to reopened defunct quarries. So if you or any of your loved ones mistakenly put out the wrong bins on the wrong collection day, you and they can expect a hefty fine and six-months hard labour, breaking rocks! Meanwhile, if you have small children, expect them to be taken into care! Bin lorries are being fitted with ‘spy-in-the-cab’ computer systems (true) so dustmen can report families who leave their rubbish out at the wrong time! Democracy is indeed working, just not for you or I!

Meanwhile, Coventry grandmother Kim Copeland, 52, who refused to pay a fixed penalty notice in the amount of £50 for dropping a cigarette butt in the street, and was taken to court by Coventry City Council, has had the original fine increased to £504 (£304 for the offence and £200 in court costs). Hey, did you know it is still a criminal offence to ‘Handle salmon in suspicious circumstances’, Salmon Act 1986. My advice to those of you intending to fart in a public space, don’t, unless you want to be prosecuted under the Noise Act 1996. Although I personally haven’t heard of the ‘Don’t Walk over the Cracks in the Paving Stones Act, I wouldn’t be surprised if that piece of legislation actually exists!

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