“NOW IS THE WINTER OF OUR DISCOUNT TENTS!”

cowpatMy mate Sid has been nagging me to go under canvas with him and two other friends. That’s right, he wants to go camping in the summer, and fancies Cornwall! Sid’s the manager of a camping store in Hertfordshire, so he can get a discount on everything he says we need. I tried to explain I wasn’t into to roughing it. I mean I like watching Bear Grylls’s TV shows, but that’s the extent of my enthusiasm for roughing it…watching others roughing it! Frankly, my childhood memories of camping left me with no desire to ever ‘camp’ again! My Mum was a ‘Brown Own’ in the Girl Guides. My Boxer dog ‘Max’ and I were dragged off to a field in Buckinghamshire one summer to join 50 girl guides and their parents. Now the farmer who rented the field was supposed to have cleared it of cows the previous week, leaving the place cowpat free. It wasn’t! Yuk!! Then it rained, and the field quickly turned into a muddy quagmire. Now to the sleeping arrangements! Well, I suspected captured American soldiers in the Vietnam War were offered better accommodation! Me, camping? “Sid,” I said, “Go f**k yourself!”

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