Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the elusive Isis leader of Iraq and Syria wounded in a coalition air strike, has reportedly relinquished control of his jihadist followers, in order travel to Queensland’s Gold Coast, Australia, where the man will cash in on his infamy by appearing on the next series of ‘I’m An Infamous Caliph, Get Me Out Of Here, Or I’ll Maim, Behead or Bomb You’. The show’s producers, ITV Studios have already upped the values of Ant & Dec’s life assurance policies. So far al-Baghdadi ‘people’ have refused to confirm their client will take part in any ‘bushtucker trial’ until the producers can assure them that kangaroo asshole or crocodile penis will in fact be…halal. Err, will kosher do?


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