YOU CAN KISS MY ASPIDISTRA!

Aspidistra plant

My partially deaf aunt June…45% loss of hearing in ‘L’ ear, 37% loss in ‘R’ ear…insists on buying me Aspidistras, ‘lilies’ that have earned their reputation as a near indestructible houseplant. Oh yeah? That’s not my experience of the plant given the monika ‘cast iron plant’ on account it will take whatever punishment you dish out. Asps are supposed to be fairly undemanding and will survive through neglect that which would easily kill a lesser plant. Well I’ve managed to kill two, and I must say, though very little effort! Aspidistras don’t like direct sunlight, but I do thrive on it, so the plants got it anyway. Nor apparently do Asps like extreme cold, but they got that too. Breaking news, aspidistras shouldn’t be over-watered during winter. Oh dear! And finally, this particular houseplant doesn’t thrive when fed bleach instead of fertilizer. I’ve told auntie June to bring chocolates next time she insists on visiting! Now to be quite honest, I’m not too keen on deaf aunt June. Last Christmas I bought her ‘True Blue’ by David Baldacci, in ‘talking book’ form. Oh won’t she ever get the message?

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