MYSTERY RADIO BURSTS FROM OUTER SPACE!

radio messages from space

Scientists have been attempting to work out what is causing…Fast Radio Bursts (FRBs) from outside the Milky Way that last but a few milliseconds, come seemingly from nowhere, and have been coming seemingly from nowhere for 17-years! Are the FRBs merely flaming stars, white dwafts merging, neutron stars colliding, or are they in fact of intelligent extra-terrestrial origin?

As an amateur astronomer and computer scientist, I can tell you for a fact the mystery of the Fast Radio Bursts has been solved…by me! The signals I have painstakingly decoded from the comfort of my IKEA self-assembly micro-laboratory reveal the radio bursts are definitely messages from intelligent extra-terrestrial beings. The following is a list of ‘unencrypted’ alien messages from more than one source!

“Since two-thirds of your planet is covered in water and not land, why oh why do you call your home world ‘Earth’ and not the ‘Water Planet’?” Thanks, Alf.

“Is the ‘twirking’ phenomenon we hear so much about in space a mating ritual, or are Earthlings merely sexually liberated?”

“Invasion imminent!”

“Can you send me the recipe for Chicken Korma?” 

“Will you please remove all your space junk from outer space!”

“Is it true mixed sex couples orgasm at different times and some, in different time zones?”

“Resistance is futile!”

“Is it true your Catholic Church frowns on masturbation, and if so, why?” 

Seriously folks, the origin of the mysterious radio bursts have in fact just been solved! Would you believe they are from a microwave signal emanating from Earth? True! Is it at all possible a suburban housewife from Texas who has been using a microwave oven to heat her family’s ready meals for 17-years is the cause of all this fuss? Talk about ‘much ado about nothing!’

 

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