feed me

Rising obesity levels due to over-eating and lack of exercise are forcing hospital bosses to invest millions of pounds adapting hospitals and buying specialist equipment to handle larger patients; Reinforced beds capable of taking the weight of a hippopotamus, wider corridors to cope with blubber spillagediamond-tipped power tool blades designed to cut through even the most stubborn fat and larger morgue fridges with built-in mini-bars! Even the patient toilets have been hastily upgraded to withstand a pressure of 400psi. While ‘back supports’ will be incorporated in all new nurses uniforms, new, longer, wider and heavier ambulances will be made by the same defence contractor that supplies the British Army with tanks. Why only the other day while visiting a friend in hospital I was almost run over in a corridor by a…forklift truck!

Apparently there are so many fat f**kers out there, Western society is going to experience an obesity time-bomb over the next few years, but how exactly will this impact on you or I? Does it mean the increased cost of healthcare for ‘waddlers’…heart disease & diabetes…will come out of the public purse, or does the impending obesity time-bomb refer only to those ‘larger than life’ individuals who are expected to spontaneously combust, showering those around them in yellow, viscous whale blubber? I think I’ll get into the habit of wearing a waterproof Poncho while out and about! I myself am borderline obese, but I’m not going to reveal here which side of the border I reside!


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