‘666’ EXCHANGE, HOW MAY I HELP YOU?

selling soul to the devilHaving sold my soul to the Devil, I dialled the ‘666’ Exchange in order to avail myself of its services and wreak havoc in the City of London’s Square Mile financial district!

“Thank you for calling the 666 Exchange! Please enter your unique pin number!” I did so. “Thank you, your pin number has now been verified. If you wish to continue, press ‘1’ if you have a query regarding your ‘contract’, press ‘2’ to lodge a complaint about services received, press ‘3’ for customer services, press ‘4’ if you are a new client, press ‘5’ to recommend a friend to the Exchange, or press ‘6’ to speak to an operator!” Christ, the Devil really was in the detail! I pressed ‘6’ in order to speak to a human be…an operator!

“Hi, my name is Diablo, how may I be of assistance?”

“I need £7,500,000 in cash immediately, the 2015/16 stock market movements and future weather forecasts so that I might make a killing on the Futures Market, a cure for my recurring psoriasis, oh and I’d like my mother-in-law’s tongue ripped out of her f**king head.”

“I’m terribly sorry sir, but there seems to be a problem with your contract!”

“What kind of problem? I sold my soul to the Devil over 6-months ago, and as I recall, the 6-months contractual hiatus has just expired. I believe I’m entitled to start using the 666 services?”

“Well sir, it appears when completing your online application form you lied about your age, thus depriving my Master of 11-years of sole ownership of your soul. Your contract has been nullified!”

“Fuck and thrice fuck! Hey, what about the solicitor’s fees?”

“As per page ‘4’ of your contract, paragraph ‘7’, all expenses incurred remain non-refundable!”

“Well you can tell your Master he can go to the Devil!”

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