I can exclusively reveal that UK deviant, adult dating site theheartwantswhattheheartwants.com has just been hacked! Over four million subscribers have had their personal data stolen and placed in the public domain. This includes names, dates of birth, passwords and sexual preferences! As a direct result of this intrusion, Social Services in conjunction with the RSPCA have taken over 4000 Shetland ponies into protective custody, with 79 ponies going into witness protection! Meanwhile police are hunting for 11 celebrities of the ‘small screen’ who have gone on the run over alleged acts of bestiality!