Every year a list is produced indicating the most idyllic places to live in Britain. Some people refer to it as a national ‘tranquillity map’. Oh what a mistake in publishing it! People who can, inevitably sell-up and make a bee-line for these idylls along with their snotty kids and parking dogs, and what shortly follows is: traffic jams, unacceptable public behaviour and late-night swingers parties, followed by a visit to an STD clinic for a penicillin jab! The moral here is, if you too live in a beautiful town or village, don’t crow about it, or else pretty soon you’ll have precious little to crow about, for ‘if you go down to the woods today you’re sure of a big surprise’…and no, it won’t be a teddy bear’s picnic, but it will be a couple dogging! Meanwhile, Salcombe in Devon has been named as Britain’s most expensive seaside town. Here the average home costs £673,000! Clearly someone squawked!