Since my crowd funding appeal to raise £1 million in order to keep me in the style to which I have become accustomed has dramatically failed, I’ve resorted to plan ‘B’, and plan ‘B’ is to send my CV to Ford Models, Storm, Elite, IMG and Select modelling agencies, offering my services as a ‘plus-size’ male model. I’ve heard some top female models don’t get out of bed for less than $30,000. Well I won’t get out of bed for less than a half-pounder with fries following with a whole lemon meringue pie! Jeez, my stomach feels like my throat’s been cut! Now if anyone wants me to strut the ‘under-pinned’ catwalk, just tie a pork chop to your leg, and I’ll have no choice but to follow you! Oh. my favourite Shakespeare play has to be: ‘Trousers Too Titus Andronicus’.