Known as the ‘Oscars of Innovation’, the annual awards are organised by the European Patent Office, based in Munich. This year’s nominees include: Kornelis A Schonhamer Immink, for developing the data coding of CDs and DVDs, Elizabeth Holmes’s Theranos Blood-testing company that can perform up to 70 different tests on a single drop of blood, Luke Alphey for his revolutionary way to control mosquitos, Swedish company Tobii for its retina-tracking technology, and Frenchman Ludwig Leiber creation of self-healing plastics. All nominees are up against stiff competition from professor Julian Kumquat and his ‘joy-giving’, shape-shifting, ‘all-terraine’, remotely-controlled dildo, that is set to revolutionise the way women perceive men’s ‘usefulness’ in the 21st century! Do I feel ‘redundant’? To quote failed Labour Party Leader Ed ‘take me seriously’ Miliband…HELL YEAH! 


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