keep calm and love tech

Microchip giant ARM has come up with yet another novel safety device designed to reduce road deaths. Should you fall asleep at the wheel of your car, a camera built-in to the rear-view mirror that monitors drivers ‘blink rate’ will immediately cause the steering wheel to vibrate, thus causing you to open your eyes. Surely a short, sharp jolt of electricity delivered via the steering wheel or driver’s seat would perform the same function? Meanwhile, Jaguar Land Rover are developing a car that can spot potholes and help drivers avoid hitting them. Apparently the ‘pothole alert’ system can profile a road’s surface and identify the location and severity of potholes, broken manhole covers and raised drains, and then adjust suspension to mitigate the worse effects. The scanners can also transmit date to other cars, allowing drivers to take ‘evasive’ action. Err, excuse me, but between sleeping drivers suddenly awoken from their slumber and pothole avoiders, I can envisage a situation where several cars manically swerving across the same stretch of road at the same time, mowing down anyone in their paths! Is no one going to develop a high-tech ‘asshole’ alert system where you can avoid people in the workplace who have seniority over you, but really shouldn’t have it?

If you believe everything you read, simply everyone is dying from skin cancer attributed to sunbathing. French company, Spinali Design, is developing the ‘intelligent’ bikini, that alerts your smartphone when you are about to burn. A tiny sensor in the bikini monitors exposure to UV rays, and sends alerts depending on the wearer’s skin type. Not much left for the brain to do then, except keep an eye out for smartphone thieves, right? Me, I’m just waiting for a healthcare company to come out with a discreet sensor I can wear under my skin that bleeps when I need a shit! All we have to do now, is to make sure all our high-tech gadgets are fully charged, otherwise it will be a case of …going ‘old school’ and setting the brain to manual!



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