We are well into the second week of Wimbledon tennis tournament and the GRUNTERS are well and truly back! It is said that female tennis players who grunt too loudly put off their opponents and spoiling the game for the millions of spectators, especially the ones trying to sleep in front of the TV. I was hoping to replace my old Sony TV with a brand spanking new flat screen television, but I daren’t, for Bunnee the Cavalier is likely to jump at the screen and knock the TV over. I do wonder whether the female tennis grunters are equally vocal ‘in bed’ or is their grunting restricted to the tennis court? Err perhaps they are all constipated, and their grunting helps them shift a log? If indeed it is a constipated grunt we are hearing, then perhaps it would be a good idea to issue all grunters, female and male with court side pooper-scoopers? I wonder what the BBC commentators would make of that? “Quickly,” the producer screams, “Cut to commercials! Oh shit, we don’t show commercials!”
Meanwhile, all male gorillas at London Zoo have been issued with Dr Dre ‘beat’ headphones. Apparently the female Wimbledon tennis GRUNTERS can be heard all the way to North West London, causing inmates at the monkey house to experience an uncontrollable stirring in their loins!
Talking about Bunnee…Bunneekins…Bunneechops, she had a free weight-in at the vet’s this morning booked for 9:15. I took her for a quick walk first, but unfortunately, for the first time in months Bunnee succumbed diarrhoea. I cleaned her up the best I could, then I drove to the vet. Even more unfortunately, when we arrived Bunnee got an attack of wind and stunk the place out! One woman picked up her Shih Tzu and decided to go for a walk outside. A second woman, not only covered her own nose but that of her Pug’s too! Meanwhile Bunnee’s wind continued unabated. Finally we got in to see Pedro the vet, who quickly slipped on a surgical mask before weighing little bitch Bunnee. Well, by this time I was laughing so hard, I almost cracked a rib. “Come and see me any time,” Pedro said from behind the mask. “Bunnee’s always welcome!” Honestly, I had to hang onto the door to stop myself from collapsing! When we got home I bathed doggy and dried her with the hair dryer. In hindsight I should have cancelled the free weigh-in and made it for the following day. And to think my Cavalier once trod hallowed ground at Crufts!