I always thought it was not the ‘gift’ that counts, but the ‘thought’ behind the gift. Oh yeah? My girlfriend’s birthday was looming and I couldn’t think of a thing to buy her, for Sandra had everything, including a devoted boyfriend! Walking past a charity shop the sunlight caught a necklace in the window and I took it as a sign, so I went inside. I ended up buying a necklace comprising of several oval transparent coloured beads. They went from small to large. The smallest was numbered ‘1’ and the largest ’25’. I bought the necklace, or at least, what I thought was a necklace, wrapped the gift in coloured tissue paper and placed the necklace in a lovely gift box. It turned out Sandra was delighted with her unusual birthday present. It reminded us both of the design in a crop circle. In fact my girlfriend was so taken with the present, she insisted on wearing it to her girls night out.
A couple of days later Sandra stormed into my house and threw the necklace back in my face. “David, I suppose you thought that was funny,” she said.
I replied, “I don’t know what you mean…what’s funny?”
“This bloody necklace…only it ain’t a necklace!” I was still none the wiser. “David, have you heard of Prader’s Balls...or an Endocrine Rosary?” Staring at Sandra nonplussed, clearly I had not. “This is no necklace,” she said, waving it in my face. “This is an Orchidometer!”
“An Orchidometer…you IDIOT…and it’s used for measuring TESTICLES!”
“Ah, that must explain the numbers!”
“And you made me look a proper fool!”
“Oh I don’t know,” I said. “I thought they looked rather charming on you. Anyway, it’s the thought that counts!”
“Oh really? Well here’s a thought for you…we’re THROUGH!”