TASER GUNS AND UK POLICE…’HANDLE WITH CARE’ PLEASE!

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A UK police officer rushed 10 strangely-smelling boxes to his station after they were discovered at a Royal Mail ‘snorting’ office in Staffordshire. Was it the biggest drugs bust of the year, hardly! The suspect haul turned out to be 10 boxes of fragrant…pot pourri! Perhaps the officer in question was suffering from a heavy cold? Now of course he’ll be suffering from…heavy ribbing!

Despite the fact complaints about the police have risen by 15% in a year, to 34,863, many of which no doubt emanate from murderers on bail who object to being pursued, the head of Britain’s Police Federation has called for all front line police officers to be armed with Taser guns in order to combat threats from things like lone wolf terrorists. Since there has already been a massive increase in the use of Tasers, including the stunning of a blind man and several children under fifteen, the question remains, will officers Taser ‘responsibly’? The chances are the majority of victims Tasered into silence will be drunks! The good news is, should all officers be issued Tasers, complaints are bound to decrease, after all, it will be difficult to complain about ‘rude, lazy and intolerant’ police officers when your laying on the ground twitching! But hey, let’s not be too quick to condemn the use of stun guns, after all, data has just been released by the BMA (British Medical Association) that suggests being Tasered can actually be good for you! A 50,000 volt minimum charge can temporarily increase a victim’s metabolism, leading to calories being burned 5 x times faster than normally. It seems to me, if you really want to lose weight but can’t be bothered to work out, one should take on a police officer armed with a Taser gun!

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