Last night I went out with friends to a wine bar in Chelsea, where I met a young lady called, believe it or not, ‘Chelsea’. Now where do you think she lived? That’s right! A brunette with a Hollywood smile, she was pretty damn hot too!  Anyway, being that I was one of the designated drivers, I limited my alcohol consumption to one large glass of wine, which I sipped like a goldfish while everyone else in my party got sloshed. Chelsea was on her third, or possibly fourth glass when the subject turned to ‘sex’. Well, better that than the Greek stock market, right? She told me she was a world-class lover. Well, being that Chelsea also admitted she rarely left the borough of Kensington & Chelsea, I took that boast with a pinch of salt! Pressing her boast home, the well-oiled young lady claimed she had attained a ‘Tenth Dan’ in oral sex! Pretending to be mightily impressed, it was then that I enquired into her training schedule. Apparently she had‘noshed a lot of cocks’. Her words, not mine. “And are you a lady of leisure,” I said, “Or do you work for a living?” Chelsea stared at me. Seconds ticked by, and then I got it. She worked in the ‘personal service industry’! “I’m quite willing to take credit cards, but I prefer cash! Would you like to go somewhere and pretend to be my training partner?” I mentioned I was saving up for a new flat screen telly and wouldn’t dream of dipping into my kitty even for someone with a Tenth Dan in oral sex. Sitting here writing this post, I’m beginning to think I should have taken ‘Chelsea’ up on her offer!


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