‘HATCH, MATCH OR DISPATCH’!

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Or Births, Marriages and Deaths! I realise it is common practice particularly among the middle classes to announce in print new arrivals, new couplings and loved-ones who have departed this mortal coil, but might not it be a good idea to wait a bit before filling newspaper space? I say this because one never quite knows how well offspring develop. I wonder if Mrs Hitler, Mrs Stalin or Mrs Pol Pot announced the births of their children in local rags? And marriages, well, with a 49% divorce rate in the UK, perhaps spending money advertising an engagement/marriage is not money well spent? What about a death announcement? Anyone who turns up at a funeral will almost certainly have been personally contacted by a friend of the deceased or family member. Frankly the only people who takes a keen interest in obituaries, are burglars who take every opportunity to break into a house while everyone is attending the funeral. Perhaps there is scope for more ‘informal’ announcements? What’s to stop you placing an announcement declaring you’re finally free from piles, gout, VD or gas? Now that would be a…gas!

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