Scotland Yard played down reports that British jihadists are plotting to blow up the Queen at an event intended to mark the 70th anniversary of VJ (Victory over Japan) Day. Pro-Monarchists need not fret, for their Queen will not actually be present at the ceremony! Her Majesty is booked to play for the ‘House of Windsor’ bowling team versus the ‘Servants’ team at the Monarch’s private 10-pin bowling alley, located in the basement of Windsor Castle! Queen Elizabeth’s bomb-proof, ‘body double’ has been supplied by YamamotoRobotics, based in Kyoto, Japan. Naturally the clothes and handbag have been supplied by the Queen’s First Dresser, Lady Arabella Farfal-Farfal Pipick. Code named A1C332679B, Her Majesty’s titanium body-double is covered in life-like synthetic, dermal layer, preventing it suffering from psoriasis. Honestly, you can’t tell the real Queen from the fake Queen, unless of course one of them break-dances after moon walking! Let’s hope the real Queen refrains from showing off!