Costing in excess of £40,000, Her Most Gracious Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second (of England) is to replace her pigeon loft at Sandringham with a palatial new pigeon residence with a south-facing sun trap and room for 170 deluxe, ladder-shaped perches. Only the best for the Monarch’s fleet of royal racing pigeons! I do wonder whether Her Majesty spared a thought for any of the homeless immigrants when she placed the order? I doubt any of them benefit from a south-facing sun trap, do you? The fact is, back in 2012, senior members of the House of Windsor voiced legitimate concerns over computer and smartphone hacks. There are even rumours that a photograph of Her Majesty the Queen wearing a herringbone nightgown, face cream, with her hair in curlers, is floating around the internet! Once the state-of-the-fart pigeon bungalow is opened by the Mayor of Sandringham, all future communications between the Windsors and us plebes will be carried by royal racing pigeons. So if you live under the jet stream between Balmoral Castle in Scotland, Sandringham in Norfolk, Windsor Castle and Buckingham Palace, you can expect abnormal amounts of pigeon shit staining your lovely garden patios. I suspect any anti-monarchist worth his salt to attempt to down the royal racing pigeons using miniature drones. If there are any further developments, be assured, I’ll keep you…posted!