DO VULCANS GIVE BLOW JOBS?

vegan

Sorry, sorry…naturally I meant…vegans! But hey, before you get on my case, let me assure you, I’m with you! Whether vegans are prepared to eat meat under certain circumstances, really is a question is not worthy of intellectual debate, normally, however…I met self-declared Swedish vegan, Helga Mannstrom at the bar of the Portman Hotel, in Portman Square, London. First she told me she was a flautist with the Berlin Philharmonic, and then, after I offered to buy her a meal, she said that might be a problem for me, seeing that she was a practicing vegan. Anyway, I’m not one who is so easy defeated. I found a restaurant specialising in vegetarian/vegan cuisine…if you could call it cuisine…and Helga ate heartily…2 peanut butter sandwiches! Anyhow, we were on our second bottle of Zinfandel when the subject turned to sex, or more specifically, the vegan approach, if there was one, to offering blow jobs!

Approximately 2-hours later I sat up in Helga’s bed having experienced the most amazing blowjob of my young, shady life. Realising I had just ‘exploded’ the myth, I turned to Helga and said, “Where the hell did you learn to do that?” Helga replied, “David, I’m over here!” Shit, I was still seeing cross-eyed! I immediately repeated the question. “Playing the flute gives me strong lips and fingertips,” she replied. “I’m in London for another three days. Why don’t we do something?” Now you’re not going to believe what I said next. Frankly I don’t believe it either! “Sorry Helga, much as I appreciated the orgasm, I can’t abide hypocrites! Clearly you only give veganism…lip service!”

*In my own defence, I am still quite immature!

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