Britain’s latest nuclear-powered Astute class submarine has arrived at its new home on the Clyde. HMS ‘Artful’, a 7,400-tonne attack submarine…what other kind is there…was ‘received’ during a ceremony at the Faslane naval base near Helensburgh. ‘Received’ eh? Well the Navy could hardly send it back to the manufacturers! HMS Artful boasts state-of-the-art communications and stealth technology. The only problem is, there is no money left in the Navy purse to actually run the damn thing! But all is not lost, at sea, for two sponsors have stepped forward offering to pay for the sub’s upkeep. First to throw its life jacket in the water is the Subway sandwich bar chain. Battling it out with Subway to see whose livery will be emblazoned across HMS Artful, is the EasyCruise Company. So, will it be a green, white and yellow livery, with a picture of a baguette stenciled on the side of the boat, or will it be the white, orange and black of the budget cruise company? Either way, despite stealth technology, I feel sure the enemy will see the boat coming!