Sorry, that’s lesbian couples! Britain’s National health Service is to launch a national sperm bank, allowing potential parents to search an online database and choose their donor on the basis of his ethnicity. The scheme will benefit same-sex couples and single parents. Once a sperm donor has been selected, the product of his ejaculation (jism) will then be sent by express delivery to a UK clinic of the patient’s choice. It is hoped the new service will help reduce a national shortage of sperm donors brought about by the 2005 change in the law which abolished permanent anonymity for donors and allowed any resultant children to identify their genetic father once they reach the age of 18.
Interesting, and relevant to me! I opened a letter this morning from the scheme operators, the National Gamete Donation Trust and Birmingham Women’s Hospital, asking me for regular ‘contributions’, contributions for which I would be amply rewarded for making. Clearly my sexual prowess has travelled far beyond the borders of South-east England! I telephoned those Birmingham ‘chicks’ and was immediately put through to the sperm bank hotline. “If you are a ‘seller’, press ‘1’. If you are a potential ‘buyer’, press ‘2’.” I pressed ‘1’ and spoke to an operator. Once I explained that I drink to excess, smoke cigarettes and weed, do very little exercise and suffer from asthma, flatulence and Type ‘2’ diabetes I half expected the woman on the help desk to politely tell me to f**k off before slamming the receiver down. On the contrary, she put my name on the ‘executive’ sperm donor list and said she would send me not the usual 6 complimentary ‘cool-bags’, but 12. I knew that one day my sloth would be recognised and rewarded. I’m proper chuffed!
Interestingly, one year after I wrote the above post, Britain’s struggling national sperm bank only has 9 registered
wankers...donors, consequently it is about to launch a recruitment drive for additional jism because demand has outstripped supply! So many same-sex couples who haven’t a good word to say about men in general, end up going cap…baster-in-hand to sperm banks in order to fulfil their desire to have children. Of course most of them seek sperm from 6 foot Adonis types whose offspring will turn out to be doctors or barristers, and for this prospective mothers will happily pay a premium! I can only imagine a woman’s surprise when she gives birth a baby in a string vest. Obviously there is no great demand for work-shy Rab C. Nesbitt types in the lesbian community!