I recently read an article concerning the increase in sexually transmitted diseases in the over 50s and 60s age groups, still it came as somewhat of a surprise when out of the blue my widowed uncle Joe blurted that he was a ‘swinger’, and had been for over five years. Internet savvy, Joe had linked up with a number of senior citizens up and down the country for ‘no strings attached’ sexual encounters, and would think nothing of driving hundreds of miles for a weekend of general debauchery in someone’s private home. Apparently people of a certain age, his age no longer throw car keys into a bowl, but do gently place down Viagra bottles, blood pressure monitors, medical alert bracelets and spectacles. When I suggested Joe’s late wife might be horrified at his activities, my uncle replied, ‘Good!’
Are your sexual relations threatened by a new strain of super-gonorrhoea? 35,000 cases of gonorrhoea were reported in England in 2014. A highly resistant strain of the super-‘G’ is spreading across the North of England…Scunthorpe, Macclesfield, Oldham. Could it be there’s poor cell phone, internet and TV reception up North? Christ, who knows where the STI will turn up next? Perhaps that’s why Scottish folk are so desperate for independence? Jan Clarke of the British Association for Sexual Health said: “We really are scaring on thin ice as far as treating gonorrhoea is concerned.” Huh, one would have thought it would be pretty difficult to have sex while skating on thin ice? It has been suggested this super-‘G’ strain developed as a result of the previously celibate over 50s group re-discovering casual sex via the internet. Anyway, if the super-‘G’ finds its way to the South-east and London, it is even possible house prices will fall, which will be a blessing for first-time buyers! Perhaps its time some of the sexually active members of British society place a moratorium on sex and rediscover celibacy? Of course that doesn’t mean you can’t stay at home, get drunk and take drugs!