According to the Health and Social Care Information Centre, Britain’s obesity ‘epidemic’ is responsible for the soaring numbers of hip and knee replacements, which cost of £9,000 and £6,000 respectively. The NHS spend £1 billion a year on hip replacements, and £600 million a year on knee replacements. Of course not all of the money is spent on replacement ‘support mechanisms’ for the obese, just a great deal of it. Britain is now one of the fattest countries in Europe, but only as long as we are part of the EU, right? A quarter of Britain’s adult population is now obese, having a body mass index (BMI) of 30 or more, with the ‘morbidly’ obese in possession of blubber 35 (BMI) or higher. So that’s it, we fat fuckers! Never mind folks, when the haemorrhoidasteroid in the shape of a smoke salmon cream cheese bagel hit the planet at the end of the month, we porkers will all be thinned out, so don’t bust a gut over blubber!


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