Eleven a.m. returned from junk shop with genie in a bottle! The little f**ker refused to come out, so I sent in a wasp! Genie finally made an appearance. I doubt ‘Morris’ is his real name. Anyhow, the gravity-defying little bastard refused point-blank to grant me three wishes, so I attached a clamp around his scrotum, forcing him to ‘cough up’. My first wish was a chocolate button tree. Granted! My second wish was a chocolate éclair tree. Granted! My third wish? “Swat that f**king wasp!”


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