WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PULLED A SICKIE?

yoga cobra 1

According to The Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD), originally called INCIPID, sick days fall into various categories: Minor illnesses, musculoskeletal, stress/depression/anxiety, gastrointestinal, ear/eye/nose/mouth/dental, respiratory conditions, heart/blood pressure, circulation, genito-urinary, headaches and migraines, and serious mental health problems.

Before I gave up driving a bus in London to care for my mother full-time, at one time or another I’m proud to reveal I took sick days in all the above categories! Indeed, my absences from the workplace achieved legendary status! “Sorry, I can’t come to work today. I’m suffering from a condition so serious and rare, it has yet to be diagnosed!” Hey, I once phoned in to say I had been bitten on the ass by a cobra while in the Yoga ‘cobra’ position. Another time I claimed to have been hit by a poisonous dart that left me paralysed for four whole days. Who’d have thought there ‘d be a pigmy encampment at the end of my street in Cricklewood, north London? Furthermore, since all of the trees had been felled to allow heavy goods vehicles to pass, I still wonder how those f**king pigmies managed to extract ‘curare’ from the poison dart frogs that live in trees? It’s official, I am unemployable…thank God!

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