A while back I read a most excellent article in The Telegraph online. Rebecca Holman writes about the growing trend for women to attend oral sex master-classes run by one Master Dominic at the Coco de Mer (female nut) salon somewhere in East London. For £70 a session you learn how to give your partner a monster blow-job. Obviously real cocks are conspicuous by their absence. Attendees must make do with ice lollies. Still, the ‘dribble’ must be quite realistic. So if you intend popping along, do remember to rub Vaseline onto your lips. Although it is never to late to learn the subtleties of Fidelio…sorry, that should read…FELLATIO, (Fidelio is a hotel computer software programme), I see no point in doing it if your beloved has already flown the coop!
From the male perspective, of all the blow jobs I have received, only two stand out as memorable, and neither of them were recent. Grabbing hold of my weapon of mass destruction, lovely Nora almost sucked the very life out of me, then again, she didn’t have her teeth in at the time. Then there was gorgeous gum-chewing Anna. Now she did have her teeth in, but unfortunately she left my ‘member’ with nasty teeth marks, resulting in skin discolouration. Not so much Fifty Shades of Grey, but Fifty Shades of Black & Blue. Even more unfortunately, at the time I was cheating on my girlfriend Melanie. Obviously that relationship was doomed!
In a blow to oral sex, according to online health clinic Euroclinix, blow jobs are ‘expected to overtake smoking’ as the main cause of mouth cancer, with HPV virus currently accounting for 25% of all mouth cancers globally, and 35% of throat cancers.
*I’ve attempted to deal with the above subject in the best possible taste. I do hope I haven’t offended anyone!