bright idea

To quote the Bard, ‘To frack or not to frack, that is the question!’ Areas of outstanding natural beauty could become unsightly fracking sites after British MPs voted in favour of allowing fracking for shale gas beneath national parks, such as the Norfolk and Suffolk Broads, despite originally promising an outright ban in protected areas! Fracking will also be allowed  in groundwater protection zones, including wells, boreholes and springs used for public drinking water supply. Interestingly, when you and I ‘practice’ vandalism, we can be sure of reprisals, but when vandalism is carried out by private drilling firms with the authority of the government, no one faces reprisals! Go figure?

Did you know, a rich source of untapped natural gas is available in abundance, without ever needing to frack? Were you aware 99% of shale gas comprises: Oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide and methane. Coincidentally, there is almost exactly the same ‘gas mix’ in human bottom burps! If you didn’t know, flatulence is the state of being flatulent! So why doesn’t the government harvest natural gas from…us? Using my newly invented ‘smart fart management system’ (SFMS) attached to public fart collection points around the country, we could actually make money from harvesting our trapped wind by blowing a natural raspberry into an aperture extended from a collection point. Whereas the British Heart Foundation promotes healthy living for a healthy heart, my British Fart Foundation promotes an equally healthy lifestyle leading to a healthy bank balance! All one need do, is insert a debit card into a second aperture in the FCP (fart collection point) and money is added to your account. Naturally vegetarians would make the most money! As long as the government doesn’t introduce a Fart Tax, we should all be quids-in! Hey all I need now is money for research & development. I think I’ll apply for an EU grant!


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