The last few British Governments were quick to hold garage sales in order to shore up the balance sheets. Thus there are no national assets left to sell. Nor is there any money to be found down the sides of Government sofas. The new Dormant Assets Commission will look at any private assets that have seen no transactions or been subject to any other instruction by the holder for at least 15-years. This includes stocks, shares and pensions that have laid dormant. This way, the Government hopes to raise at least £1 billion which will fund charities and social enterprises. Really? Can’t the exchequer merely take the same amount off of the annual £13 billion foreign aid budget, after all, it is common knowledge at least half of it is used to buy arms to prop up evil dictators and apartments in Dubai and Monaco for when they’re overthrown! Naturally, any individuals who discover the Government has taken their assets…coma patients, prisoners…will be given a right to reclaim’ at any time’. Yeah, good luck there! Surely it is only a matter of time before Government asset strippers strip the dead of jewellery, gold teeth and subcutaneous titanium plates and screws, the value of which will be added to the already bloated foreign aid budget?


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