That’s right folks, I sincerely wish you all ‘a-penis’ over this Christian festive period, a unique period of the year when most of us rush around like headless chickens desperately seeking, not Susan, but seasonal bargains to replace last years seasonal bargains, and food enough to feed an army, an army of relatives many of whom we don’t really want to see! And please spare a thought for the vast army of Shinto slaves in China who sweat buckets in order to make our Western Christian festival possible! And for those of you down on your luck, who cannot cope with a-penis, chin up, things can only get better…or worse! Between global warming and rising sea levels, many of us may not be here, or anywhere next year, so eat heartily and drink up, and don’t forget to tell your nearest and dearest what you actually think of them! Hey, I’m just the messenger, don’t shoot me, after all, it’s not my fault Father Christmas turned out to be a paedophile! Me? Well I’m off to Buckingham Palace to steal a game pie!