You’re shitting me? Apparently not! There is a rumour spreading like melted chocolate that within 4-years there could be an annual, worldwide cocoa bean shortage of one million tons from the current crop of 3.5miilion tons. Is the likely shortage due to crop disease, yes and no! Developing nations such as China and India are developing a taste for confectionary, which means soon there won’t be enough chocolate to go round! Well that’s just f**king typical! No sooner do the working classes raise themselves up to become the new middle class, and I have to share my f**king chocolate! It’s no wonder commodity speculators are buying up current crops of cocoa beans! Soon the bean will acquire the status of saffron, truffles and caviar. If the cocoa bean does become a rarity, my girlfriend and I will have to cease rubbing, warm, melted chocolate over our naked bodies during sex! Oh dear, I think I need to visit a therapist?