don't shakes hands

A controversial UCLA report has called for doctors and other health care workers to cease and desist from shaking patients hands because hands can become contaminated with pathogens from their patients. Cross-contamination is a real headache, and not just in surgeries and hospitals. Have you ever paid a fortune for a 5* cruise only to succumb to a norovirus? No wonder the Queen of England will only ‘meet & greet’ with gloves! So it’s not ‘gloves off’, but gloves on! So no more shaking hands, or high-fives. What about fist-pumping or knuckle touching? Hey, how about public twerking in order to initiate ‘first contact’? I’m up for that, how about you?

According to the US Centres for Disease Control (CDC), about 252 of the 919 cruise passengers on board the Fred Olsen owned Balmoral have fallen ill since leaving the UK on 26th April. I’ve always fancied a Med cruise, but having read about all that chronic projectile vomiting and diarrhoea, I think I’ll leave my money in the bank! Really, what’s the point in spending three grand on a luxury cruise when passengers are warned not to touch the bannisters, or each other? So there’s no chance of safe sex on the high seas then? Even cruise ship captains no longer shake hands with passengers. Perhaps if the cruise ship owners paid kitchen ‘rats’ living wages and instructed them in hygiene, I might one day venture onto the high seas…in a wet suit!  Perhaps it’s time to swap shuffleboard and Zumba classes for competitive projectile vomiting? The winner to get a seat at the captain’s table!



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