formula one

My spies tell me there are still plans afoot to host a Formula One Grand Prix through the streets of central London! A detailed 3.2 mile circuit is believed to have been drawn up by Formula One supremo Bernie Eccles cakeEcclestone. The race would start on The Mall and race past Buckingham Palace and through Parliament Square. Experts predict a Monaco-style event through the capital could be worth well over £100million in ticket revenue and endorsements but would currently require an Act of Parliament to suspend 30mph speed limits along the length of the route. As yet however no sponsor has signed on the dotted line!

Nah, it would never work! First of all every time a racing car pulled into a pit lane for fuel or tyres, likely as not the driver’s visor would be slapped with a £120 fine for illegal parking! Secondly there are so many coffee shops, patisseries and boulangeries pumping out the smell of bread baking in central London, most of the F1 drivers would be jumping out of their cars in order to buy an almond Danish and a cappuccino. Hell, most of the cars would never get out of second gear! Thirdly, some of the cars would never cross the finish line…the drivers having been carjacked by unfriendly locals bussed in from the suburbs. What about Green Party activists demonstrating against noise and pollution, and women demonstrating against VAT on tampons? The London Formula One race would have to be stopped and started so many times, most viewers would switch off their television sets. Anyway, someone would have to break the news to Prince Phillip that he can’t compete against the racing cars in a horse-drawn carriage!


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