Former IT specialist Alan John Miller runs a religious movement known as the ‘Divine Truth’ from his home near the small town of Kingaroy in the state of Queensland. Mr Miller claims that not only is he CHRIST resurrected, but his girlfriend, Mary Luck, is in fact MARY MAGDALENE, who according to the Bible was present at the crucifixion.
He told Sky News: “I have very clear memories of the crucifixion. When you are one with God you are not in a state of fear, and you have quite good control over your body’s sensations and the level of pain that you absorb from your body.” After his crucifixion the Australian claims he entered the spirit world where he met people like Plato, Socrates, past popes and presidents. I bet he didn’t think to get any AUTOGRAPHS!
Alan Miller also claims to have performed miracles. “I did resurrect quite a number of people … including a friend of mine LAZARUS.” Well folks, as far as I’m concerned, a friend in need is often a pain in the ass! All joking aside, I’m really quite DEVASTATED. Miller beat me by six weeks. You see I intended to declare myself JESUS. I was just waiting to grow my hair long and lose a few pounds! I suppose I’ll have to settle for calling myself PETER THE FISHERMAN. Does anyone know how to fish, because my only experience of fishing is opening a tin of tuna!
Aravindan Balakrishnan, the alleged head of a Maoist sect in Lambeth, south-east London, is accused of keeping three women slaves, for 30 years! “I am Christ, follow me,” he would say, and they did! Over the years, I’ve noticed many cult/sect leaders…men only…have declared themselves to be Jesus Christ figures. They all have six things in common! 1) Do my bidding, 2) Forgive all my future sins, 3) Cut yourself off from your family, 4) Lay down beside me, 5) Toil, so I don’t have to, and 6) Hand over all your assets! If memory serves, didn’t the real Jesus Christ advocate the complete opposite?
A 66-year-old Brazilian man calling himself Inri Cristo has spent 35 years preaching the word of God, because he believes he is the reincarnation of Jesus. He claims to have hundreds of followers from around the world, including the UK, Britain and France. Since 1979 he has travelled for 27 countries to spread his word, however his controversial views has seen him expelled from the US, Britain and Venezuela and detained by police more than 40 times. Inri Cristo now runs his own church outside of Brasilia, the capital of Brazil, which he refers to as the ‘New Jerusalem’. Most of Cristo’s disciples who live with him at his church are in fact women. Oh what a surprise there! And I thought Elvis had hundreds of Impersonators! Maybe I really should called myself Jesus. I too could travel around spreading the word and my seed?