European Monitoring Centre for Drugs and Drug ...

European Monitoring Centre for Drugs and Drug Addiction (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When it comes to drug and alcohol addiction, we in the UK are apparently head and shoulders above everyone else in Europe. Well, at least ONE of our records hasn’t been broken! ‘Legal highs’ that can kill and have done so, are easily available to purchase on the Internet and are often delivered to our homes by regular postmen and courier services. No one RAVES like a Briton! Why you can even buy crack cocaine and heroin from mail-order websites. And the cost to the rest of society…£36BILLION (healthcare. crime associated with drug addiction, and loss of productivity).

Don’t blame the young! Britain has been TARGETED by criminal for decades. Sixty years ago, other than the occasional aristocratic ‘toot’ of cocaine, no one took drugs. The disadvantages of living on an island, is that it is impossible to police every inch of coastline. These days, with so many young people unemployed and disenchanted with life, together with easy access to narcotics, some people still in their ‘prime’ can’t think of anything else to do with their time other than getting high. Sadly, drugs in one form or another has become part of a staple diet. I’m just grateful that narcotics is one addiction that passed me by!


Toilet with flush water tank

Toilet with flush water tank (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Unelected European Union civil servants who most of us have never heard of have decided we in Britain must stop flushing our toilets so frequently in an effort to reduce water usage. This edict has come from the cistern chapel in Brussels! This new bog standard euroflush limit of five litres and urinals one litre is intended to standardise toilet flushes across the EU.

Having spent £72,000 in determining the toilet habits of the continent, the European Commission’s 122 page report on toilet habits discovered that UK residents flush the most, using 1,125 million cubic metres of water in home toilets in 2010,  followed by Italy (1,074) and Germany (1,021).

I don’t believe our EU masters have accounted for the cultural differences in Eurozone latrine etiquette. After all, when the police coming knocking on our doors, the first thing we Brits do is to flush our drugs down the toilet! Oh do spare a thought for the self-employed entrepreneur. Crime is after all the only true growth industry in the UK! Furthermore, we Brits consume more unhealthy, fatty takeaway food than anyone else apart from the Americans. Fried chicken, burgers and kebabs…talk about shit waiting to happen!  Hey, is it any wonder Britain’s first 40-seater ‘Bio-Bus’ powered by human waste (biomethane gas) recently took to the streets. Brussels…why don’t you flush off!


Ministry of Defence, Whitehall, London; viewed...

Ministry of Defence, Whitehall, London; viewed from the London Eye (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In order to counter the threat of cyber attacks from state sponsored hackers in China, Russia, North Korea and several 16-year-old school leavers bored with gaming and masturbation, a new ‘cyber strike force’ costing up to £500 million is being secretly built by Britain to wage war, staffed by a regiment of computer geeks or keyboard commandos!

Fighter planes, warships and regiments of boots on the ground face being replaced by futuristic cyber assaults using lethal computer worms and viruses to wipe out enemy targets without actually destroying them. Command & control will be in a top-secret bunker beneath the Ministry of Defence, London SW1 from where the cyber wars of the future will be fought and won by pasty-faced, monosyllabic computer geniuses. Chief cyberman, Defence Secretary Philip Hammond will be in charge of this ‘laptop army’, unless of course the Conservatives lose the next general erection!

Mr Hammond said; “Clinical ‘cyber strikes’ could disable enemy communications, nuclear and chemical weapons, planes, ships and other hardware. And, in contrast with bloody, dangerous and inaccurate bombing raids, entire cities could be conquered without a single loss of life, helping Britain to avoid a military war, and a public relations battle. This is the new frontier of defence!” He would say that, after all, Hammond is only a secretary!

The bunker will crammed with modern technology, including the ability to take over Britain’s entire communications network. Oh dear? The new ‘Cyber National Guard’ is recruiting now, so if you’re good on a computer, but can’t get a boyfriend or girlfriend, I suggest you apply! There will of course be a new rigorous physical fitness test in order to ascertain whether you are susceptible to RSIs (repetitive stain injuries) to your typing fingers, for in future it is intended the trigger will be a button on a keyboard! Of course one way to immobilize the new UK cyber strike force might be to actually bomb the Ministry of Defence!

Any piece of machinery with a computer chip inside it is susceptible to being hacked and immobilized, and that includes ‘high end’ vibrators and dildos, so if any masturbator out there suspects he or she is being hacked, I urge you to switch to ‘manual’ override! 



English: THE GRAND KREMLIN PALACE, MOSCOW. President Putin with Iranian President Mohammad Khatami. Русский: МОСКВА, БОЛЬШОЙ КРЕМЛЕВСКИЙ ДВОРЕЦ. С Президентом Ирана Сейедом Мохаммадом Хатами. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

During the two-day G20 conference is has been alleged that an unnamed Russian official dismissed Britain as a “small island” whose views can be ignored!

We are indeed a small island, and it cannot be denied Britain is punching above its weight, but as a colonial power Britain once rules half the known world for over 300 years, which is more than LARGE Russia ever achieved! Lest we forget, the Industrial Revolution started HERE and expanded exponentially. When we in Britain first travelled by train, harnessed electricity and benefited from indoor plumbing, Russians stilled travelled by horse & cart, pumped water by hand from the ground and read by candle light. In many under developed regions of Russia TODAY Russians still travel by horse & cart, pumped water by hand from the ground and read by candle light. Vladimir ‘Iron Man’ Putin & co don’t want this advertised! Let me also remind those ‘cunning’ Russians, British Law was exported all over the world and forms the basis of many countries statutes. Britons led the world in entrepreneurship!

In many respects modern-day Russia remains a dictatorship. There is little freedom of speech! Dissenters are silenced by prison bars, and occasionally, by the bullet. The Russian leaders are afraid to introduce Democracy to their country in case they are all kicked out of office, put on trial for human rights abuses and their bank accounts stripped of their ill-gotten gains…ill-gotten gains that belongs in the Russian treasury for the benefit of the Russian people and not just for the benefit of the corrupt ruling class. Britain may not be the power it once was, but that’s okay…nothing lasts forever! The sun eventually sets on every empire.

Below is a list of just ‘some’ British inventions/discoveries that the whole world now benefits from.

Anemometer, Disc brakes, Tin Can, Cat Eyes, Electromagnet, Electric Motor, Fax Machine, Gas Mask, Jet Engine, Kelvin Scale, Light bulbs, Penicillin, Periodic Table, Periscope, Radar, Spinning Jenny, Television, Thermos, Toilet Paper, Computer, World Wide Web, Crucible Steel, Stainless Steel, Hydraulic Press, Portland Cement, Modern Glass, Typhoid Vaccine, Smallpox Vaccine, Stem Cell Transplant, Gray’s Anatomy, In Vitro Fertilization, Viagra, Harrier Jump Jet, Tuning Fork, Nature Reserve, Railways, Seatbelt, Tarmac, Traffic Lights, Plimsol Line, Hovercraft, Sextant, Seed Drill, Water Desalination, Marine Chronometer, Power Loom, Sewing machine, Pencil, Electric Telegraph, Stereo Sound, Shorthand, SMS Texting, Typewriter, Colour Film, Fibre Optics, Geostationary Satellites, DNA Fingerprinting/DNA Database, Iris Recognition, Gas Turbine, Microchip, Light-emitting Diode, Wind Tunnel, Flushing Toilet, Football, Rugby, Cricket, Baseball, Tennis, Boxing, Ice Hockey, Table-tennis. Snooker, Bowls, Netball.

A few Great British Writers.

William Shakespeare, Geoffrey Chaucer, Samuel Johnson, Christopher Marlow, Rudyard Kipling, Charles Darwin,  George Orwell, Charles Dickens, J.R.R. Tolkien, Jane Austen, The Bronte sisters, H.G. Wells, George Bernard Shaw, Aldous Huxley, D.H. Lawrence, C.S. Lewis, Agatha Christie, Lewis Carroll, Daniel Defoe, George Elliot, E.M. Forster, Thomas Hardy.

The trouble with dictatorships is, they don’t generally invest in people, discouraging entrepreneurship. The engine of entrepreneurship is IMAGINATION. This too is stifled. The only reason the gangsters who rule Russia are feeling so cocky is due to their new-found oil wealth, but how much of it is being invested in Russian heartland? Russia hasn’t changed in hundreds of years. The majority of its people were suppressed under the Tsars, under Stalin, and now under Putin. Many of the politicians are in league with real gangsters. Pull the curtains aside, and Russia might be considered just as much a rogue State as North Korea, and even China!

Rogue state is a country that threatens world peace. Is it authoritarian? Does it severely restrict human rights? Freedom of speech? Does it sponsor terrorism by supplying deadly weapons to terrorists who would use such weapons to kill indiscriminately? Russia, Chine and North Korea tick all the boxes! Conversely, most Western countries…including our little island supply arms to authoritarian regimes. In fact, they are our best customers!


English: United States Trident II (D-5) missil...

English: United States Trident II (D-5) missile underwater launch. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Liberal Democrats wish to halve the size of Britain’s submarine nuclear deterrent from four to two (hardly a fleet) and propose that the subs should only put to sea in emergencies. First of all, will the nuclear missiles themselves be halved in size? In other words, are we to fund a fleet of mini sibs? Secondly, will the nukes still go just straight up and down, or are they capable of doing ‘loop-the-loop’? Thirdly, if the two nuclear subs only put to sea in an emergency, might not that be TOO LATE? Fallout from an enemy nuclear missile will play havoc with the reception on my digital TV. If it a question of MONEY (isn’t it always), then let members of the British public pay for the privilege of naming out missiles. If I could get say 5000 people together and we all agreed to Christen a missile…DEREK, could we still please have four submarines? Yes, yes…see Derek fly!

On a more serious note, the only people who are ever lightly to fire a nuclear missile are Jihadists, should they ever get their hands on one…oh, and India…oh…oh…Pakistan, North Korea, China, Russia, France…yes, definitely France, and the USA, and should we get out finger out in time, which is very doubtful, we Brits.


English: The logo of the Organisation for Econ...

English: The logo of the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

According to the OECD, the Organisation for Economic Co-operation & Development, Britain is the tenth happiest advanced economy in the world, up from eleventh last year. Well I’d love to know what WEED the compilers were smoking! Almost everyone I’ve met is miserable. We Brits fear for the economy and constantly worry about immigration and the state of the National Health Service. Economists constantly bang on about ‘economic green shoots’. Well let me tell you, the only green shoots I’m aware of are the green shoots on the menu in my local vegan restaurant, and those in the hands of pushers selling organically raised hash outside the gates of 10 Downing Street.


An NHS dentist performing an examination

An NHS dentist performing an examination (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Britain’s obesity crisis is forcing dentists to buy super-sized chairs capable of supporting patients weighing up to 71 stone! Hang on a minute, anyone weighting more than 35 stones wouldn’t be able to GET TO a dentist, and even if they could, someone who had eaten themselves up to that size probably wouldn’t have any teeth left to work on! Something is not right here?


Dictatorial democracy

Dictatorial democracy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Third World countries are classified as ‘Third World’ for a bloody good reason! They are usually dictatorships, (true democracy is often conspicuous by its absence), freedom of speech is limited, as are human rights, political corruption is rife, elections are fixed, and when the country enjoys continuous new-found wealth, the rulers, instead of spending the money on its population…food, housing, sanitation, medicine, education, new roads…they choose instead to spend billions on a space programme and nuclear submarines, required for status purposes only. I refer naturally to India, the biggest ‘democracy’ by numbers in the world!

Now compare India to Great Britain if you will! We are no longer a democracy, freedom of speech has been curtailed by law, it doesn’t matter who we elect to government because the views of the electorate are ignored, there is a shortage of housing, and that which is available is unaffordable, the National Health Service is broken, billions are spent on foreign aid and economic migrants, unemployment has never been so high, and food and fuel are now considered my many to be luxury items. Err, actually, there doesn’t seem to be that much difference between India and Great Britain after all!


EU symbol 1 2

EU symbol 1 2 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Six months ago the European Union demanded a £3.5 billion bailout from national governments, amid warnings it will run out of cash  within months. In a blunt admission the EU Budget Commissioner Janusz Lewandowski said: ‘We need additional funds to meet our legal obligations.’ Britain’s share will be about £450  million. The demand comes just a year after the EU was granted an extra £6.4 billion to keep it afloat. The extra cash will take the total EU budget to £126 billion – an 8.4 per cent increase on the previous year. So, £55MILLION a day from the UK isn’t enough? Austerity doesn’t seem to fit in with EU commissioners plans! If the EU hadn’t bailed out Greece again, they wouldn’t be so short of money! Disgusting! How can member countries ever hope to pay off their national debts when the EU central government is forever passing the hat around? ‘GIMME’ should be on its flag! The worst thing the UK ever did was to join!


Flag of the Caribbean Common Market and Commun...

Flag of the Caribbean Common Market and Community (CARICOM) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here’s a thought, why don’t we all sue one another for past actions that are only now considered crimes and spend the next 1000 years in court? Oh, we are!!

Britain is being sued along with France and the Netherlands by 14 Caribbean countries demanding what could be hundreds of billions of pounds in reparations for slavery. Around 175 years after Britain freed its last slaves in the West Indies, an alliance of Caribbean nations is demanding to be repaid for the ‘awful’, lingering legacy of the Atlantic slave trade. Caricom, a group of 12 former British colonies together with the former French colony Haiti and the Dutch-held Suriname, believes the European governments should pay…and the UK in  particular. The Caricom group has hired the British law firm Leigh Day to mount their case, a firm which recently won compensation for hundreds of Kenyans tortured by the British colonial government during the Mau Mau rebellion of the 1950s.

Hang on, it was Britain that led the way in finally abolishing slavery worldwide, and long before America fought its Civil War over it! We Brits were the first to make the practice illegal, so why sue us? Speaking as a taxpayer who will ultimately help fund any compensation package should the UK lose a civil suit, why the f**k should I be held financially responsible for something that happened hundreds of years ago, and when slavery was legal and widely practiced? And by the way, who has been supporting these 12 former British colonies over the last 175 years? Perhaps we should stop cruise ships visiting their countries? By the same token, perhaps descendants of early Britons should now sue the Italian government for slavery practices by the Roman army in Briton 2000 years ago?

What do you mean, we must pay? F**k off! If we British hadn’t outlawed slavery in the first place, we wouldn’t be being sued! You know what they say, don’t you…’no good deed ever goes unpunished!’ Anyway, at the end of the day, nothing these days is about a point of principle, but always about the money, money, money!
One final comment! F**k the EU Human Rights Act! Its caused as much harm as good! Meanwhile, human trafficking is the most profitable criminal enterprise in the world. Don’t look to the past, look at the present!!


Top Gear (2002 TV series)

Top Gear (2002 TV series) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Last year the ‘production team responsible for the ‘TOP GEAR’ television prog devoted to cars arranged a most magnificent display along The Mall of all road legal vehicles built in Britain: Cars, vans, buses, coaches, tractors etc. You get the picture! Truly an omarge to everything MADE IN BRITAIN. Union Jack flags were hung from every lamppost. Err excuse me, but none of the companies that produce the vehicles are any longer BRITISH OWNED! Rolls Royce cars, Bentley and the Mini are owned by BMW and VW, Aston Martin is owned by Fords of America, Jaguar/Land Rover are owned by Indian Tata Industries. Must I go on? Britain merely provides the LABOUR FORCE to build for these foreign-owned car vehicles. Yeah, made in Britain, but for foreign owners! Truly, it is nothing to shout about!  We should in fact be ashamed for letting these iconic brands pass into foreign hands! British governments, instead of shelling out HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS in foreign aid for which the taxpayers have had precious little in return, should have instead invested the money in BRITISH companies, then perhaps we would still own the companies we work for!


19th century painting of lawyers, by French ar...

19th century painting of lawyers, by French artist Honoré Daumier (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

British Government Ministers are attempting to halt the gravy stain…sorry, TRAIN for ‘ambulance chasing lawyers’ and turn the tide on Britain’s compensation culture, thus helping to reduce our general insurance premiums. I whole-heartedly agree with this initiative. Why I’ve lost count of the number of times I have averted a near fatal accident whilst trying to avoid hitting a damn lawyer caught between my headlights! Running in the middle of the road chasing an ambulance…a contract in one hand and a pen in the other? Preposterous! Oy, lawyers…STAY ON THE BLOODY PAVEMENT, you blood-sucking pseudo-vampires!

Just a moment…‘good news’ just in! Law firms are to be banned from offering ‘inducements’ to accident victims…iPads, shopping vouchers and cash…in order to entice someone, who for example may have broken a nail while on council premises from making a personal injury claim, the type of which is intended to exploit the system. Figures recently released strongly suggest ‘bogus’ personal injury claims cost Britain £2.1billion a year! Gadzooks, had I known ‘presents’ were on offer I might have returned some of those annoying phone calls begging me to make a bogus personal accident claim. I could have done with a new iPad!


The SIS building, seen from Millbank

The SIS building, seen from Millbank (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most people…that is to say those of us who are not incarcerated in mental asylums…believe Britain is over populated and under policed! Why Manchester is sometimes referred to as ‘Britain’s city of languages’, for there are up to 200 different tongues spoken there. When a small island is overrun by millions more people over a short period (15 years), as I have said before, multiculturalism cannot succeed. Honestly, I must be sick in the head to come up with the following conclusion, but here it is nonetheless!  I believe the UK Government wants blood on the streets. For some reason, it suits their purpose! The powers that be actually look forward to anarchy. Perhaps it will afford them the opportunity to turn Britain into a police state? Fifteen years ago you could speak your mind in public, now you cannot! Fifteen years ago there were hardly any surveillance cameras on street corners, now there is at least one on almost every street corner. I believe the Secret Intelligence Service does a fantastic job in tracking down terrorists, however with so many millions of people pouring in here… is only a matter of time before we in Britain suffer another catastrophic terrorist outrage, and the SIS know it. It is inevitable! When it occurs, well, it will be the Government’s ‘perfect storm’…a grand opportunity to deny us even more of our freedoms, but in our own best interests of course!


The Perfumer (depiction of the act of defecation)

The Perfumer (depiction of the act of defecation) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Philippa Roe, leader of Westminster City Council, said that local authorities had ‘no idea’ how many Eastern Europeans would come to Britain after immigration restrictions are lifted on January 1, but warned that council taxpayers face rising costs from the influx of Romanian and Bulgarian immigrants. Ms Roe also claims that Roma are already causing trouble by begging aggressively and defecating in public. Are we in for a shit storm? Only time will tell!




English: The , also known as the Green Mountai...

English: The , also known as the Green Mountain Energy Wind Farm, near . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you or I are unlucky enough to get caught perpetrating a fraud, the chances are we will see the inside of a prison cell, but what happens when our Government perpetrates a fraud using taxpayers money, and a whole lot of it? Well, nothing happens!

The wind farm programme started under the Labour Government and continued under the present coalition Government has so far cost the taxpayer between six and ten billion pounds. You would think that during the recent gusty weather all the wind turbines would have been operating at full capacity, wouldn’t you? Not so! Many turbines were in fact shut down. Explain to me if you will the logic behind the Government paying wind farm operators more to shut turbines down than to keep them operational? In the past two weeks wind farms were paid £4.8million to switch off their turbines. It certainly can’t be because of an excess of stored energy, because wind turbines hardly produce anything! And the key word here is ‘WIND’. Why shut them down when it is windy? If it is because the blades break, as has been known? Apparently this is not the case! We are to believe the National Grid cannot cope with the extra energy produced during high winds. Unlike gas, which can be compressed, electricity cannot be, and therefore there is nowhere to store it. Meanwhile, we in Britain can expect further blustery weather over the next few weeks, the kind of weather you would think would be ideal for turbines? I said from the outset wind farms were a great big fraud perpetrated on the public by wind farm lobbyists cozying up to Government ministers.

These so-called  ‘constraint payments’ are given to operators not to produce electricity when supply outstrips demand, yet in certain areas supply only outstrips demand because tens of thousands of householders up and down Britain have been cut off due to bad weather. Like any wholesaler, if you are forced to keep stock…in this case, energy…normally you would be forced to lower your unit price, which is exactly what energy companies have no intention of doing.

Experts from the Renewable Energy Foundation calculated that, if the wind farms had been operating normally, the companies would have been paid approximately £6million. But because they were ordered to shut down, they received about £7.8million. This includes their £4.8million ‘compensation’, plus about £3million as an agreed electricity wholesale price. Under the complicated rules, they receive both payments even though no electricity has been supplied. This kind of reverse logic is no different to the EEC/EU paying farmers billions of pounds over several decades to leave fields fallow, fields upon which crops could have been grown and sold to Third World countries that suffered food shortages. Then again, the price wouldn’t have been right, right?

What Britain needs is another REVOLUTION!