WHO BECOMES PRIME MINISTER IF DAVID CAMERON IS KILLED?

English: David Cameron, Prime Minister of the ...

English: David Cameron, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and leader of the Conservative Party (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Interestingly, if the prime minister dies or becomes incapacitated there is no clear constitutional rule as to who takes over the government. This worries Tory MP Peter Bone, who has produced a Bill that sets out where cabinet ministers are in the pecking order. The backbencher’s Prime Minister (Replacement) Bill is due for second reading on Friday. It seeks to address the “lack of clear succession” should David Cameron be killed or become temporarily incapacitated and is unable to perform his duties.

In the present economic climate, and with our democratic rights being eroded on a regular basis, does it actually matter who takes over from David Cameron should he no longer be fit for purpose? As far as I am concerned, we wouldn’t be any worse off if you were to replace the entire cabinet with monkeys from London Zoo! If you happen to sneak a peek at Prime Minister’s question time on TV, you’ll know what I mean!

Regarding MPs well-documented drinking habits, and according to details released under the Freedom of Information Act, taxpayer-subsidised bars for MPs sold more than 65,000 alcoholic drinks last year. Parliament’s bars and restaurants – subsidised by more than £7 million – served at least 65,770 drinks between last November and this October. The top ten sellers in the Common’s Bar only were: Guest Ale (15,075), Beck’s Vier (9,504), Sauvignon Blanc (9,484), Merlot (7,085), Falernia sauvignon (5,729), Guinness (4,647), Peroni (4,318), House of Commons Merlot (3,494), Pinot gris (3,385), and Chardonnay (3,049).

Conservative MP Mark Reckless (how appropriate a name), a prominent Eurosceptic, apologised months after he was elected in 2010 for being too drunk to vote. That’s another thing…I do wonder how many MPs have been under the influence when voting on serious matters that affect our daily lives? I would rather an MP was too drunk to vote, than voted to change my life while drunk!

UK MPs BANNED FROM EATING SCRAMBLED EGGS!

Color-enhanced scanning electron micrograph sh...

Color-enhanced scanning electron micrograph showing Salmonella typhimurium (red) invading cultured human cells (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

MPs were at the centre of a new food scare after the House of Commons banned traditional SCRAMBLED EGGS & OMELETTES because they are considered too dangerous! Chefs at the Commons are now forbidden to make two of the most popular light meals in Britain with fresh eggs, on the grounds that they could be contaminated with SALMONELLA or other bugs. Instead, our lawmakers must make do with LIQUID PASTEURIZED eggs from Holland. An unconfirmed rumour emanating from the government’s ‘Intelligence & Security Committee’ suggest that our the UK egg chain has been infiltrated with COMMUNIST eggs full of botulism. The intent it is said is to bring the government to its knees, or at the very least, force all cabinet members onto the toilet, in which a goodly supply of Columbian Marching Powder has been provided for their CONVENIENCE by grateful lobbyists representing the oil, gas, wind farm, transport and fracking industries.

Astrid Gloat, MP for Brent North said, “Banning fresh eggs in the Commons restaurant is an over-reaction. Believe me, we MPs have developed strong stomachs…to deal with our f**king whining constituents! I always start the day with eggs Benedict. Now what am I supposed to do? F**king Communists!”

IT’S JUST NOT CRICKET!

Many young British Pakistanis play cricket for...

Many young British Pakistanis play cricket for recreation (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg plans to expel gas…sorry, of course I meant plans to expel ‘lazy & dishonest’ members of the House of Lords. I say to Cleggy, don’t be so rash! If he carries through his anti-sleaze plans then there won’t be enough peers left to make up a team in the annual MCC v. Commons & Lords cricket match, in which case it will left to Commons members to ‘tamper’ with the cricket ball.