English: The Espace Leopold, the seat of the E...

English: The Espace Leopold, the seat of the European Parliament in Brussels. Main chamber of Parliament. Français : L’espace Léopold, le siège du Parlement européen à Bruxelles. Chambre principale du Parlement. Nederlands: Leopoldruimte, de zetel van het Europees Parlement in Brussel. Hoofd kamer van het Parlement. Polski: W Espace Leopold, siedziba w Parlament Europejski w Bruksela. Główne izby parlamentu. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But restore it to what…the UK seat of Government? I thought the seat of our Government was Brussels? Brussels is considered to be the de facto capital of the European Union. Brussels hosts the official seats of the European Commission, Council of the European Union, the European Council, as well as a seat of the European Parliament. Since it is estimated restoration of the Palace of Westminster is likely to take anything up to 30-years, the question remains, where to move the MPs and Lords to? What about to a sink estate. Let our rulers experience how the other half live!

In order to recoup some of the taxpayer-funded renovation money, how about opening up the P of W facilities to the public for a period of time once restoration is completed and before our bloated and over-rated politicians move back in? What about a Harry Potter style ‘ghost’ tour, or pop concerts, or an indoor ice-rink or a skateboard park? Hey, what about murder weekends in the House of Commons? I dare say most of us could think of far better ways to spend £7 billion pounds when you consider half of the renovation work will be done by sub-contractors from Eastern Europe and Asia, just as they were employed to build the 2012 Stratford Olympic village!



Breville Appliances. From left to right: Empor...

Breville Appliances. From left to right: Emporia BKE400, Aroma Style Electronic BCM600, Ikon SK500, Emporia Toaster CT25B. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Russian investigators claim to have found household appliances imported from China which contain hidden microchips that pump spam data and malware into wi-fi networks. Authorities in St Petersburg allegedly discovered 20 to 30 kettles and irons with ‘spy microchips that send some data to the foreign server’. It has also been alleged that the chips allegedly found in the home appliances may also have the ability to steal data and send it back to Chinese servers. The revelation comes just as the EU launches an investigation into claims that Russia itself bugged gifts of phone chargers and USB sticks to delegates at last month’s G20 summit in an attempt to retrieve data from computers and telephones.

Aren’t Russia and China supposed to be sometime political allies? Listen, everyone’s at it…hacking and spying! There was even a claim that Chinese Lenovo computers contained spyware in them. Who knows the truth of the matter? Best to err on the side of caution. Don’t buy Chinese made vibrators and dildos. And the moral of the story is…do look a gift horse in the mouth!


Front view of the East London Mosque, London a...

Front view of the East London Mosque, London as seen from Whitechapel Road. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well of course they do! Tory grandee Lord Tebbit has warned of immigrants who try to “recreate their country” in the UK. The former Conservative Party chairman said some were building “separate societies” and warned that immigrants from the “third world” had no intention of integrating. True, but not news! The Jews did it from the late 19th century…created a ghetto in the East End of London, those from the Caribbean did it in West London in the 1940s to 60s, and the Asian immigrants created ghettos all over the UK from the 1970s. Actually it is quite normal behaviour. Foreigners feel safer surrounded by members of their own community. It usually takes two generations to be properly integrated. When the Jews bettered themselves and moved out of the East End, Bangladeshis moved in! It just so happens that current immigration, and on a grand scale, has been politicised due to the numbers of Eastern Europeans economic migrants forced down our throats by our EU masters, the UK’s fragile economy and the threat from Islamic fundamentalist terrorists from the African Continent. So, what Lord Tebbit says, is in fact, old news!


European Court of Auditors

European Court of Auditors (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mind boggling, isn’t it, £110BILLION…not EUROs, pounds sterling!  Who knows whether it is money well spent? I doubt there is any way to find out. Frankly I don’t want to find out, because I suspect ‘value for money’ is a credo long since forgotten.

The European Union (EU), the political capital of which is in Brussels, is an economic and political union of 28 member states. Institutions of the EU include the European Commission, the Council of the European Union, the European Council, the Court of Justice of the European Union, the European Central Bank, the Court of Auditors, and the European Parliament.

With a combined population of over 500 million inhabitants, or 7.3% of the world population, the EU in 2012 generated a nominal gross domestic product (GDP) of 16.584 trillion US dollars, constituting approximately 23% of global GDP. I suppose when you take that figure into account, £110billion doesn’t sound too bad. I still have my doubts. The gravy train never stops rolling until it gets to Brussels!


Toilet with flush water tank

Toilet with flush water tank (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Unelected European Union civil servants who most of us have never heard of have decided we in Britain must stop flushing our toilets so frequently in an effort to reduce water usage. This edict has come from the cistern chapel in Brussels! This new bog standard euroflush limit of five litres and urinals one litre is intended to standardise toilet flushes across the EU.

Having spent £72,000 in determining the toilet habits of the continent, the European Commission’s 122 page report on toilet habits discovered that UK residents flush the most, using 1,125 million cubic metres of water in home toilets in 2010,  followed by Italy (1,074) and Germany (1,021).

I don’t believe our EU masters have accounted for the cultural differences in Eurozone latrine etiquette. After all, when the police coming knocking on our doors, the first thing we Brits do is to flush our drugs down the toilet! Oh do spare a thought for the self-employed entrepreneur. Crime is after all the only true growth industry in the UK! Furthermore, we Brits consume more unhealthy, fatty takeaway food than anyone else apart from the Americans. Fried chicken, burgers and kebabs…talk about shit waiting to happen!  Hey, is it any wonder Britain’s first 40-seater ‘Bio-Bus’ powered by human waste (biomethane gas) recently took to the streets. Brussels…why don’t you flush off!


English: Black-Sea-Houses in the old town of S...

English: Black-Sea-Houses in the old town of Sozopol in Bulgaria Deutsch: Schwarzmeerhäuser in der Altstadt von Sozopol. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s the stuff of nightmares, but only if you believe in VAMPIRES. A dig at a macabre graveyard has unearthed a Bulgarian vampire pinned to his resting place by a metal spike. The ancient skeleton, identified as a 35 to 40-year-old male from the 13th or 14th century, is only the second ever skeleton with a spike driven near its heart in this way, after one that was found last year in the southern town of Sozopol.

It is thought the man, considered to be a medieval vampire, was spiked through the heart to prevent him from rising at  midnight and terrorising the living, during a period when plagues ravaged Europe. The discovery was made at the Perperikon site, in the east of the country, during a dig led by Professor Nikolai Ovcharov, often referred to as the ‘Bulgarian Indiana  Jones’. Last year, the professor and colleagues unearthed another 700-year-old male skeleton killed in a similar fashion on holy ground at the Black Sea town of Sozopol. Let us hope discovering vampires does not become habit-forming, for should one actually rise from the dead, he will no doubt demand public relations representation, a book deal, and since Bulgaria is now part of the European Union, inhuman rights protection! Since we live in such litigious times, once Victor the vampire has his teeth capped, he will no doubt look around for someone to sue!

Finally, if any of you happen to come across a medieval vampire skeleton, you might think of selling it to the Weight Watchers Organisation. I hear it is on the hunt for a poster boy for a new weight loss programme. But whatever you do, don’t remove the f**king STAKE!


English: Ed Miliband, British politician

English: Ed Miliband, British politician (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

UK Labour Party leader Ed Millipede…err, MILIBANDso solly…has said he will reintroduce Socialism into society should his party be elected to power in the 2015 general election. Socialism doesn’t work…you can’t provide for everyone’s needs and reduce the national debt, a debt that currently stands at approx. £2TRILLION! Fiscally speaking, Labour never has had a sound economic policy. All they know how to do is spend other people’s money…borrowed money! MR Miliband is no different!

Should Labour come to power and reintroduce the principles of Socialism, the first thing to happen is a Labour government will increase the income tax rate for the rich! The second thing to occur? All the rich will f**k off abroad as they have done before, taking with them their assets!

Mr Miliband also promises to build 200,000 new home by 2020, if elected. That’s rubbish! He’ll be lucky to build 70,000! He also promises to force all employers to pay employees the national minimum wage. From October 1st 2013 it was £5:03 gross per hour for 18-20 year olds, and £6:31 gross per hour for those of us over 21. Taking into account the current cost of living, who of us can live on the minimum wage? The true minimum wage should be somewhere between £9 and £12 per hour!

Mr Miliband also says that there is no place in the modern world for pictures of topless women in newspapers…like the Sun. Now that’s the thin end of the wedge! If the gentleman is so concerned about harmless tities on page 3 of the Sun, perhaps those women to whom the tities belong should wear niqabs (face veil), but definitely not hijab (face & chest), or the burqas (head to toe). Leave British tities alone!


EU symbol 1 2

EU symbol 1 2 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Six months ago the European Union demanded a £3.5 billion bailout from national governments, amid warnings it will run out of cash  within months. In a blunt admission the EU Budget Commissioner Janusz Lewandowski said: ‘We need additional funds to meet our legal obligations.’ Britain’s share will be about £450  million. The demand comes just a year after the EU was granted an extra £6.4 billion to keep it afloat. The extra cash will take the total EU budget to £126 billion – an 8.4 per cent increase on the previous year. So, £55MILLION a day from the UK isn’t enough? Austerity doesn’t seem to fit in with EU commissioners plans! If the EU hadn’t bailed out Greece again, they wouldn’t be so short of money! Disgusting! How can member countries ever hope to pay off their national debts when the EU central government is forever passing the hat around? ‘GIMME’ should be on its flag! The worst thing the UK ever did was to join!


English: Logo of Ikea.

English: Logo of Ikea. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In a further attempt to civilize an uncivilized fat population by discouraging acts of street violence and terrorism, the British Government, having withdrawn its support from the EU Human Rights Act intends reintroducing the DEATH penalty sooner rather than later.

On the table for consideration is a lethal injection of potassium cyanide, hanging, firing squad, death by electrocution and a live manhunt. ITV and Channel 5 are expected to enter into a bidding war over who gets to televise this form of NATURAL justice. Further, both companies have promised to keep the ad breaks to a minimum. No one wants a repeat fiasco of ITV showing Formula One only to cut to adverts at the most thrilling time of the race.

And no one will miss Slocombe the CANNIBAL of Reeds Avenue, Hendon,  London, NW4, who lured to his home, killed and ate eleven of his neighbours over an eighteen month period. Despite the fact that his neighbourhood steadily grew quieter and quieter, no one suspected that George Slocombe was having people over for dinner. It was only when he attended Barnet ‘A & E’ with part of a human shin bone stick in his throat that suspicions were raised. Immediately the forces of ‘law and disorder’ sprang into action. After a thorough search of Slocombe’s home, police discovered amongst other things, thirty-eight empty bottles of Gaviscon for the treatment of antacid and two years worth of receipts from his local Summerfield supermarket. Apparently all the man ever bought were herbs, oh and gravy granules. Discovered too was a manuscript. Entitled ‘Come Dine With Me,’ it was supposed to be a guide to Cannibal gastronomy, and indeed, as it turned out, it was. A publishing sensation, copies simply flew off the shelves along with fresh tarragon, rosemary and thyme.

In his original defence the accused stated that he was a serial dieter. Portly Lord Justice Richardson sitting in Old Bailey 1 asked the cannibal which diet he considered to be most effective. Slocombe replied, “Why the Atkins diet of course!”

There are rumours too that after a gap of sixty years, public BIRCHING may soon be re-introduced.  The Government has already asked for tenders from companies wishing to provide the birching tables. IKEA has no wish to be associated with this form of barbaric corporal punishment, but  Wicks DIY isn’t so squeamish.  ‘It’s definitely got our name on it!’  said a Company spokesperson.

Unsure of the public’s reaction to the re-introduction of birching, major sponsors are quite understandably reticent to get involved. However ‘Breslaw’s Hemorrhoid Cream’ jumped at the opportunity, but quite how anal fissures can result from back-birching has yet to be satisfactorily explained.


...The Ideal Sex Life

…The Ideal Sex Life (Photo credit: mod as hell)

Making legal history, Germany will become the first EU member country to offer parents the option of a third, “INDETERMINATE” gender description on the birth certificates for newborns.

The option of “gender: ‘BLANK’ is to be introduced throughout Germany from November in an attempt to enable children born with ‘characteristics’ of BOTH SEXES to decide whether they want to be considered male or female in later life. If they so wish, individuals may opt to remain of indeterminate gender for their whole lives. However, it is likely passports which still require holders to enter their sex under F for female or M for male. The first country in the world to offer this facility was of course Australia.

I say this to members of the European chapter of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association. ‘Herren’…break out your ball gowns. ‘Damen’…break out your Harris tweeds for you have something to celebrate!


PETA logo

PETA logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I must confess my ignorance! I had no idea that ANIMALS were used in military training exercises. Peta (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) have said the training involves the “shooting, stabbing and breaking the bones of live pigs and other animals.” Animal rights campaigners have urged the EU to investigate the British military’s “cruel” use of live animals in battlefield surgery training exercises…specifically, “deadly medical trauma training”. Forces involved include not just the British, but American, Danish, Norwegian and Polish militaries too.

The ‘ethical’ argument ‘supporting’ this animal cruelty is that “the men and women who risk their lives in battle deserve the best possible training.” I do understand the methodology behind this practice…pigs being anatomically similar to humans, but I don’t like it! Are they not considered intelligent beasts? The anticipation of injury must be almost as stressful as the injury itself!

Peta said “sending soldiers to participate in reprehensible exercises that inflict severe injury and death on pigs does not improve the preparedness of the UK’s military medical teams.” That’s Peta’s ‘opinion’…they may be right, or not! Either way, is it ‘unnecessary’ harm if it saves a soldier’s life?

Interestingly, well, for me at least, British army doctors who are trained in battlefield surgery, are trained not in the UK, but at a Danish facility where…according to The Ministry of Defence, animals are heavily anaesthetised and handled humanely by veterinary staff during training exercises. BOLLOCKS! You cannot block out FEAR of death or fear of severe injury!

Peta have claimed the training violates EU laws that say animals must not be used when other options – such as life-like human-patient simulators or mannequins are available. If that’s Peta’s argument, then its a weak argument, and is unlikely to be upheld. Human-patient simulators and mannequins cannot recreate authentic battlefield injuries. For this, blood must pump, and organs must fail. Economics come into play too. A pig may cost £20-£30, which is a lot less than £250,000 to £500,000 for a simulator.

In a letter to the European Commission director-general for environment, Karl Falkenberg, Peta makes the point that the militaries of 22 of the 28 Nato nations, including 19 other EU states, are currently using exclusively NON-ANIMAL trauma training models. This may be so, however, over the last 20 years it’s mainly been the American and British military forces who have fought in great numbers. Supported by many other countries, yes, but in no way in the same numbers. On the other hand, since most of our recent losses/injuries have been incurred from IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices), I can’t see how shooting a pig is going to provide any new information on how to treat this particular battlefield injury?

At the end of the day, we are talking here about animal TORTURE, and I don’t agree with it one little bit. I’ve often said, I judge people by how they treat animals. I certainly wouldn’t want to befriend any of the ‘pig-stickers’, and no doubt they wouldn’t want to befriend me!

Peta says, “The Ministry of Defence has been sending recruits to Denmark to take part in drills in which live pigs are lined up at a firing range and shot with high-velocity bullets. Some of the animals sustain organ injuries and multiple bone fractures – any who survive are later killed. It’s perfectly possible to maintain a first-class modern military without abusing and mutilating animals in the process.” Actually, it may not be, however…again…since most modern conflicts are won from the air, not the ground, I see no earthly reason to ever send in the infantry. We only manage to subdue a perceived enemy for a short period of time before pulling out. Anyway, hasn’t modern warfare become ridiculously expensive? A cruise missile costs in excess of $1million to buy…more to actually fire. The target often has a book value of only a few thousand dollars. I don’t see the ‘value’ in knocking out a twentieth-century building with twenty-first century ordnance. After all, it is you and I as hard-working taxpayers who pay for the damn weapons.

In 2012, Peta uncovered shocking video footage showing training instructors hired by the US military breaking and cutting off the limbs of live goats with tree trimmers, stabbing the animals, and pulling out their internal organs. I admit to cowardice. I couldn’t possibly watch that!

You know of course, if there is ever a ‘day of reckoning’, among other things, the Human race will be held to account for the way we have treated members of the animal kingdom!

We have destroyed their habitats in order to build on the land, farm the land, drill for oil on the land, chop down tree for paper, timber and book shelves.

We have hunted species to extinction for sport.

We slaughter animals for their skin, fur and horns.

We rear them in inhumane conditions for food.

We enslave them (zoos).

We have trained them to carry mines.

We experiment on them in order to produce safe-to-wear cosmetics, and to find cures for human diseases in order that we might live longer, only for the government to turn around and say it can’t afford for us to live longer.

Now we use animals as TARGET practice! Well done us! God, I sound so wet…but I’d die for my dog, and if I had a pet pig, well, I’d die for my pig too!

*Apologies for the length of this post. I guess I got carried away.


I love the green market. I walk through every ...

I love the green market. I walk through every morning on the way to work and it smells amazing. It was cuter than usual when Jamie Oliver was there (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The champion of spoken English, celebrity cook, multi-millionaire and the soon to be Knighted JAMIE OLIVER has been rather vocal in slagging off British workers for being LAZY, comparing us to the ‘hard working’ and ‘reliable’ POLISH & LITHUANIANS who he employs in his numerous eateries.

First of all, I’ve toiled in a restaurant, and it is bloody hard work, and for very little pay. Really, it’s not for the faint-hearted. Prior to the maximum 48 hour week being imposed by the EU, you would be expected to work 80-100 hours per week! Unless you intended to one day open your own restaurant, only a fool would do it! Toiling in a professional kitchen is tantamount to SLAVE LABOUR!

Most of the Polish and Lithuanians who have arrived on our shores are only too happy to work for minimum wage, for it is a lot more than they could hope to earn back home. Many of them are from peasant stock who are used to manual labour. I would also like to point out to ‘Sir’ Jamie, that in the last 5 years BENEFIT CLAIMS by EU foreign nationals have increased by 40%…or 51,430! So they are not ALL hard workers, only the few Eastern Europeans Jamie ‘O’ has met. Not everything is black and white!

Bus driving is no career choice…it is a job one tends to ‘fall’ into. Having said that, it is a damn sight better job than working in someone else’s KITCHEN!


This image was selected as a picture of the we...

This image was selected as a picture of the week on the Malay Wikipedia for the 48th week, 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Traces of COCAINE have been found in NINE toilets belonging to the British parliament. OUCH!! The traces were discovered by undercover reporters of The Sun, revealing widespread drugs use in the British Houses of Parliament. Could MPs be snorting coke? It seems likely! No wonder British parliamentarians want an 11% wage increase, which coincidentally happens to be in line with the percentage increase in the cost of their Columbian Marching powder! I had assumed PARLIAMENTARY COCAINE was in fact SUBSIDISED, along with MPs meals and booze. How wrong I was! Further evidence of coke was found outside Strangers’ Bar, in the House of Lords committee corridor and in Portcullis House. Are our REVERED politicians voting on laws that affect our everyday lives while off their faces on drugs or pissed as newts?

Quote from Reginald Crabtree, MP for the constituency of ‘Soggy Bottom’ in Leicestershire. “Cocaine…NONESENCE! It is merely DANDRUFF. Many of our members sit through the night, and don’t have time to wash their hair!”

I wonder what might be found in the European Union toilets?


The SIS building, seen from Millbank

The SIS building, seen from Millbank (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most people…that is to say those of us who are not incarcerated in mental asylums…believe Britain is over populated and under policed! Why Manchester is sometimes referred to as ‘Britain’s city of languages’, for there are up to 200 different tongues spoken there. When a small island is overrun by millions more people over a short period (15 years), as I have said before, multiculturalism cannot succeed. Honestly, I must be sick in the head to come up with the following conclusion, but here it is nonetheless!  I believe the UK Government wants blood on the streets. For some reason, it suits their purpose! The powers that be actually look forward to anarchy. Perhaps it will afford them the opportunity to turn Britain into a police state? Fifteen years ago you could speak your mind in public, now you cannot! Fifteen years ago there were hardly any surveillance cameras on street corners, now there is at least one on almost every street corner. I believe the Secret Intelligence Service does a fantastic job in tracking down terrorists, however with so many millions of people pouring in here… is only a matter of time before we in Britain suffer another catastrophic terrorist outrage, and the SIS know it. It is inevitable! When it occurs, well, it will be the Government’s ‘perfect storm’…a grand opportunity to deny us even more of our freedoms, but in our own best interests of course!


The Perfumer (depiction of the act of defecation)

The Perfumer (depiction of the act of defecation) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Philippa Roe, leader of Westminster City Council, said that local authorities had ‘no idea’ how many Eastern Europeans would come to Britain after immigration restrictions are lifted on January 1, but warned that council taxpayers face rising costs from the influx of Romanian and Bulgarian immigrants. Ms Roe also claims that Roma are already causing trouble by begging aggressively and defecating in public. Are we in for a shit storm? Only time will tell!