I went to court this morning to lend support to my friend Michael who had been arrested for battering his wife Julie. Giving evidence, he said, “It was a sex game that went wrong, that’s all. Julie insisted, that since our marriage had gone a bit stale…we should spice it up! Although it fell to me to initiate it…it was she who mentioned FOOD! So I covered Julie in a mixture of eggs, milk, breadcrumbs and some paprika. How was I to know the batter would harden, causing Julie to fall over and break a leg?” I left immediately after Michael had given evidence in order to purchase some fish & chips.