IS ‘JESUS’ A FICTIONAL CHARACTER?

English: Vexilloid of the Roman Empire.

English: Vexilloid of the Roman Empire. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An American scholar claims to have made a controversial discovery that proves the entire story of Jesus was made up by  Roman aristocrats. Joseph Atwill asserts that Christianity did not start as a religion, but was instead created as a sophisticated propaganda tool to pacify subjects of the Roman Empire. He said: ‘Jewish sects in Palestine at the time, who were waiting for a  prophesied warrior Messiah, were a constant source of violent  insurrection during the first century. ‘When the Romans had exhausted conventional means of quashing rebellion, they switched to psychological warfare. ‘They surmised that the way to stop the spread of zealous Jewish missionary activity was to create a competing belief system.

Okay, let us suppose for a moment Mr Atwell is entirely correct…Jesus never existed, so what? What is important is not what can be prove to be true, but what is believed to be true, especially in the peculiar times we find ourselves living in! 2000 years later, and half the world is Christian. If Christian prayer soothes the troubled soul, all the better! Jesus is big beast. It is far too late to deny his existence. In fact it is a pointless exercise!

GOOD VIBRATIONS…’DILDO’ BAGGINS!

English: A Sex Toy – Vibrator

English: A Sex Toy – Vibrator (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Jewish comedian Shed Simone is defying a trademark challenge from Ann Summers by continuing to sell his ‘Rampant Rabbi’ sex toy that is billed as “a meticulously produced dildo in the shape of a Jewish teacher”. The Chief Rabbi has yet to comment! Mr Simone’s limited edition, latex-free silicone vibrators sell on his website for £99. That’s pretty stiff. I wonder how much a pre-owned one sells for? Also available is the ‘C**t Dracula’ and the ‘Buckingham Phallis’. What next…a vibrator in the shape of the Pope? But would that really bring individuals closer to the Church, or would they merely be paying lip service to religion? Mr Simone sure knows how to win friends! Let’s just hope the man never needs to flee to a country with no extradition treaty with the West, for most of those are Catholic countries!

Mother-of-two, Cara Houiellebecq, 33, of Lincoln (UK), lives a life most women can only dream of! She earns a good living as a ‘professional’ sex toy tester for ‘adult’ companies and posts the reviews on her blog. I understand erotic blogger Houiellebecq (oh what a mouthful) is never more than arm’s reach away from her favourite ‘servants’, the iGino vibrator and the Doxy Wand. And the icing on the cake? Cara won Best Erotic Journalist at the ETO awards two years running! An Industry insider told me Cara Houiellebecq’s favourite book is Charles Dickens’s ‘Oliver Twist’, and her favourite line in the novel is ‘Please sir, I want some more’. Good for her!

Meanwhile over in the ‘boys’ camp, male sex toy designers Hot Octopuss, the company which invented the world’s first ‘guybrator’, has advertised for a part-time ‘orgasm engineer’ to help test out its new range of male sex products. Nice work if you can get it!

Crossing continents, Vladimir Putin has become the butt of a joke, literally! Graphic designer Fernando Sosa of Florida, incensed over the Kremlin leader’s anti-gay stance, has produced, using a 3-D printer, an ornamental looky-likey Vladimir Putin butt plug figurine made of course sandstone. Mr Sosa hopes to raise enough money on Kickstarter to produce a ‘useable’ Putin butt plug. If this is achieved, the ‘hunting, fishing & shooting’ Russian leader may yet add ‘pot-holing’ to his international CV!  Hey, perhaps the Putin butt plug might be handed to each new Russian army recruit at ‘passing out’ ceremonies, along with a beret? I bet Genghis Khan would have jumped at the chance of having a sex toy produced in his image!

 

DO IMMIGRANTS TRY TO ‘RECREATE’ THEIR COUNTRY IN THE UK?

Front view of the East London Mosque, London a...

Front view of the East London Mosque, London as seen from Whitechapel Road. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well of course they do! Tory grandee Lord Tebbit has warned of immigrants who try to “recreate their country” in the UK. The former Conservative Party chairman said some were building “separate societies” and warned that immigrants from the “third world” had no intention of integrating. True, but not news! The Jews did it from the late 19th century…created a ghetto in the East End of London, those from the Caribbean did it in West London in the 1940s to 60s, and the Asian immigrants created ghettos all over the UK from the 1970s. Actually it is quite normal behaviour. Foreigners feel safer surrounded by members of their own community. It usually takes two generations to be properly integrated. When the Jews bettered themselves and moved out of the East End, Bangladeshis moved in! It just so happens that current immigration, and on a grand scale, has been politicised due to the numbers of Eastern Europeans economic migrants forced down our throats by our EU masters, the UK’s fragile economy and the threat from Islamic fundamentalist terrorists from the African Continent. So, what Lord Tebbit says, is in fact, old news!

THE ‘REAL’ SCHINDLER’S LIST FOR SALE ON eBAY!

Schindler's grave

Schindler’s grave (Photo credit: Seetheholyland.net)

Two Californian collectors put SCHINDLER’S LIST (Schindlerjuden-name of Jews Oscar S saved from Nazis) up for auction on eBay,and are asking for bids starting at $3million. The document, (one of four original lists) is being sold on behalf of a private owner in Israel and is only available for local pick up.

The listing by auction promoters Eric Garvin and Gary Zimet GUARANTEES the list’s AUTHENTICITY. Apparently it was sourced  from Ben Kingsley , Schindler’s accountant played by Itzhak Stern in the  award-winning  film.

Sorry, I have to casts doubts over the eBay listing’s authenticity! Having carefully perused Oscar Schlinder’s list, I very much doubt Jews of that era, and in that part of the world ever went by the names of Chardonnay Frankel, Tyson Herzog, Romeo Sandler, Tyler Grunfeld,  Tiger-Lily Cohen, Madison Lipshitz and Tiffany-Amber Levy!

ISRAEL versus THE ARAB WORLD…PART 34…35…36!

Map showing the West Bank and Gaza Strip in re...

Map showing the West Bank and Gaza Strip in relation to central Israel (situation of 2007) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Speaking as a lapsed Jew, but confirmed atheist, someone who would rather visit the Riviera than Israel, it’s always bugged me the extent the International community applies pressure on Israel not to build Jewish settlements in occupied territories…the West Bank, Gaza and East Jerusalem. Why on earth shouldn’t they? The Israelis were attacked…several times, and they took the land in blood! With their backs against the sea, how can they otherwise expand? No one has ever told the Americans, British, French….etcetera what they can and can’t do with territories they took in blood? As far as Arabs living in the Diaspora are concerned, I don’t see any Egyptian, Syrian or Iranian doors being opened to them, do you? If Israel stopped expanding, and indeed, gave all the occupied lands back, they would still be hated! Considering Christianity did far more harm to the Islamic world than Jews ever did, I find this Arabic hatred for Israel quite illogical. I think the vendetta on both sides has by now become genetic! The relationship between the Arab and the Israeli is similar to the relationship between oil and water. They don’t mix!

As far as the present Gaza conflict is concerned, I believe the world’s Press has forgotten to remind its readers that the fighting was started by Hamas kidnapping and then murdering three civilian Israeli teenagers. The Arab world sponsored terrorist group hoped their actions would start a war, and it did! Public opinion has turned against the State of Israel because of the numbers of Palestinian casualties succumbing to Israeli rocket fire, particularly the large numbers of children dying. Many of the Hamas rockets are deliberately fired into Israel from populated areas. No one has asked the question, where is Hamas getting their thousands of rockets and launchers from? This is most probably Chinese made ordnance, delivered to Syria or Iran in exchange for oil. The rockets are then given to Hamas free of charge! The Arab world knows it can never again launch an all-out attack against Israel. The only country capable of attacking the State of Israel is Iran, but they wouldn’t do it for fear America would get involved, so the members of the Arab League rely on Islamic terrorist organisations to do what they won’t.

Having lost some worldwide support, Israel represents ‘Goliath’ and not ‘David’. Meanwhile the Gaza conflict has knocked Syria off the front pages. President Assad continues to kill his own people by bombing them from the air and gassing them. There was talk of Western assistance for the rebels. However, due to Iranian and Russian sabre-rattling, the West decided not to get majorly involved. Probably wise! The Middle East will always remain a political hot potato. Someone once said “If Israel didn’t exist, we’d have to invent it!” No doubt this was said by a Texas oil baron who wished for the price of a barrel of oil to remain artificially high, which of course it has!

Perhaps the Jews are responsible for a lot of the problems in The Middle East? If I had been a member of a tribe that had suffered 2000 years of persecution, the last place I would want to return to would be the very region where my ancestors has so suffered, and particularly when all your neighbours are at one time or another your sworn enemies! Lebanon to the north, Syria to the northeast, Jordan on the east and Egypt to the south. The seas is nice, but I wouldn’t want my back to it! In any event, the 1948 United Nations backed ‘Mandate Palestine’ split the Palestinian territories, forming the State of Israel. If that wasn’t bad enough, the ‘Israelis’ turned a desert into an oasis. This too they will never be forgiven for so doing! Personally? I would have preferred the World Zionist Organization to have bought a nice Caribbean island!

DO I OFFEND YOU?

West Bromwich Albion crest

West Bromwich Albion crest (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Footballer Nicolas Anelka is facing a police investigation after he celebrated a goal with a ‘reverse Nazi salute’. The European Jewish Congress called for him to receive the same punishment that would be handed down for a Nazi salute, while a senior French politician said the gesture was ‘clearly anti-Semitic’. Meanwhile, the 34-year-old West Bromwich Albion striker claimed he performed the gesture as a ‘special dedication’ for his comedian friend Dieudonne M’bala M’bala, who invented it, and who has been fined several times for defaming Jews. May I offer a word of advice? Grow a thicker skin and don’t be so easily offended. By rising to the bait you could be showing emotional immaturity!

Due in part to mass immigration, the ethnic groups that now make up Western civilisation are many and diverse, and each group has their own unique customs and traditions, and apparently we are all easily offended. You can’t show someone the soles of your feet, or turn your back on someone else. It strikes me you can’t even take your hand out of your pocket these days without seeming to offend someone. Why the most innocuous gesture may be deemed offensive!  You know of course we’re doing exactly what all our governments want us to do…squabble amongst ourselves, leaving our elected officials to screw us ‘right & royally’ at every turn!  Perhaps we should all return to our lands of origin? Do please get over yourselves!

ROMANIAN STATE TELEVISION ‘CELEBRATE’ THE HOLOCAUST IN SONG!

Holiday songs on the streets in Sonoma

Holiday songs on the streets in Sonoma (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Why only last week, Romanian state-owned TV channel TVR3 aired songs by a choir who sang anti-Semitic ‘Christmas carols’ which celebrate the burning of Jews. The lyrics glorified the Holocaust and called for Jewish people to be burned in the chimney. In a statement, TVR said they were not responsible for the songs performed by the choir, insisting a selection was chosen by a local Cluj culture committee. Some culture? And these are the kind of people we have welcomed into the European Union? Meanwhile, Britain has one of the largest Jewish populations in Europe. I look forward to personally welcoming the Romanian peasant hoards into England in early January 2014. Talk is cheap my friends…try burning me!

Meanwhile, among the Romanians in London already here, they are being arrested at seven times the rate of Britons. According to official figures, around 800 people from the Eastern European state were arrested in the capital last month, and many of them are linked to a wave of cashpoint/ATM fraud which cost an estimated £40million in the first six months of this year alone. Police say that for every 1,000 Romanians in London, 183 are arrested. This compares to 26 Britons per 1,000, or if you like, Romanians account for more than 11% of all foreign national offenders, despite making up just a tiny proportion of residents. The police are concerned that the figures will rise even higher when restrictions on Romanians and Bulgarians living in Britain are lifted on January 1.

CAFE OWNER WARNS OF ‘BLACK ALLERGY.’

Ossett Town Hall Square

Ossett Town Hall Square (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Martha-Renee Kolleh, of Ossett (97% white) near Wakefield, West Yorkshire, believing her café business is struggling because of racial tensions, has placed a sign in the window advising customers who are ‘allergic’ to black people not to enter the premises. “Attention! Everyone be aware, I am a black woman, and always will be. If you are allergic to Black people, don’t come in. But if you prefer quality wholesome meals in a pleasant and clean environment, come in. I don’t bite!”

Now I don’t want to be accused of perpetuating a STEREOTYPE, but…when I was a kid, it was believed that YORKSHIRE folk were racist. In fact, if you weren’t white, Christian and from Yorkshire, you were not welcome in the Northern county! I even heard a story about the so-called KNIGHTS of YORKSHIRE, a secretive little group affiliated to the Freemasons and the KKK, who every Christmas eve went on a midnight hunt for Jews, Muslims and Black people using LIVE ammo! No one was ever prosecuted, and none of their quarry were ever found! My own auntie Maude was never seen of again. Mind you, it was no loss, she was never really liked…by anyone!  Once she walked into LIBERTY’S of Regent Street, London, strolled over to the very finest silk curtain material, fingered it, only to tell the shop assistant, “This you call quality, why I’ve given away better to War on Want!” Later on I discovered that the KNIGHTS OF YORKSHIRE changed their modus operandi. From 1983 they affiliated themselves to  a witches coven and spent Christmas eve burning effigies of Jews, Muslims and Negroes. As I say, I don’t want to be accused of perpetuating a stereotype!

IS ANTI-SEMITISM IN EUROPE ON THE RISE?

1250 French Bible illustration depicts Jews (i...

1250 French Bible illustration depicts Jews (identifiable by Judenhut) being massacred by crusaders (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A poll of European Jews has found that more than three-quarters of those questioned believe anti-Semitism is on the rise in their home countries and close to one-third have considered emigrating because they don’t feel safe. The survey was conducted by the European Union’s Agency for Fundamental Rights. 34% of poll respondents in Sweden and 29% in France said they never wear a Star of David or anything else that could identify them as Jews.

First of all, when things go radically wrong…particularly in economies, well, its traditional to blame the Jews. Secondly, there has never been so much mass migration from East to west before, and many of these migrants are Muslim. For example, here in the UK there are approximately 270,000 Jews, compared to 2.8 million Muslims, Jews modern-day enemy. As we all know, previously it was the Catholics who had it in for the Jews. Furthermore, it does help that Israel receives as much bad press these days as good press. However, it is refreshing to know that in the UK there is a group of people who will never, never raise a hand against Jewish people. The AA (Automobile Association) and the RAC (Royal Automobile Club) are happy to change flat tyres belonging to both Muslims and Jews.

THEY SAY ‘ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG.’

The Odessa File (film)

The Odessa File (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Every ten to fifteen years or so we hear about a very old Nazi being discovered living in the West, Nazis who have been accused of heinous crimes against humanity. Of course, the older the individual is, the older are the few surviving witnesses who can testify against him or her. And here we go again! Ex-Canadian citizen Laszlo Csatary, a 98-year-old former police officer and chief of an internment camp for 12,000 Jews at a brick factory in Kosice, Hungary, allegedly wilfully assisted in the unlawful execution and torture of Jews deported from Kosice to concentration camps during World War Two. He was convicted of such crimes in Slovakia ‘in absentia’ in 1948. If true, and I have no reason to doubt the current charges, it is another triumph for the Simon Wiesenthal Centre. Frederick Forsyth’s ‘The Odessa File’ remains the finest novel I have ever read!

THE SMELL OF WORSHIP!

I am neither Christian or Jew, but an atheist. However on the few occasions I have visited a church or cathedral in the UK and abroad I couldn’t help notice the presence of the powerful SMELL of worship and the apparent closeness of God. I can quite understand how many BELIEVERS are easily led from the front. For a true believer it must be pretty well impossible to deny the authority of the Church.

MY FAVOURITE WORLD WAR TWO MOVIE?

The U.S. Navy aircraft carrier USS Yorktown (C...

The U.S. Navy aircraft carrier USS Yorktown (CVS-10) during the filming of “Tora! Tora! Tora!”, her flight deck painted to resemble that of a World War II Imperial Japanese Navy carrier. Note the piston-engined aircraft on deck, often North American T-6 Texan resembling Japanese aircraft. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If ten years ago you would have asked me what my favourite WW2 movie was, I would have innocently reply ‘why  ‘TORAH! TORAH! TORAH’ of course,  the Jewish attack on Pearl Harbour. A real movie buff then took me aside to explain that it wasn’t the sukiyaki-eating JEWS who attacked Pearl Harbour, but in fact the gefilte fish-eating Japanese airforce. I must admit, TORA! TORA! TORA! does seem more plausible. I get it. The Torah was a book containing words, and TORA was a code word. Well, I felt a proper Charlie!

TERROR AND YOUR TEMPLE!

English: Danny Shine - Regular at Speaker's Corner

English: Danny Shine – Regular at Speaker’s Corner (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

image dark forces II jedi knight

image dark forces II jedi knight (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One often hears about Western Mosques being used to radicalise young Muslim men and women leading individuals to plan and execute acts of terror. Now I don’t care whether you claim to be Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Hindu or even a Jedi Knight. If it is proved CONCLUSIVELY that your Temple has been used to radicalise a Faith follower, then said Temple must be PUBLICALLY BULLDOZED. Let the message go out that a Temple must only be used as a place of true worship and contemplation. You wish to radicalise the young, then have the guts to try it on Sunday morning at Speaker’s Corner. Enough said!

FROM CONCEPTION TO BIRTH.

Umbilical cord

Umbilical cord (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Information is gleaned from diaries and personal testimony.

On one of the rare occasions my father and mother met naked, nuclear scientist Jack tripped over Boxer puppy Ruby, and much to the chagrin of his wife, entered Doreen just below the pubic bone. As the two adults fell back onto the bed locked at the hips, one of Doreen’s eggs got fertilised. I dare say orgasms were involved although they might not have been reached at the same time, or for that matter even on the same day. They do say that women take a lot longer to arrive than men, but obviously not as long as it takes to pick out a dress and matching shoes.

Yours truly was born at four p.m. on November the twenty-forth 1970 after a mere seven-month incubation period. What caused my premature birth? Doreen had got over‑excited in a kosher butcher’s whilst arguing over cold cuts. Since not even her half-Jewish side keep a kosher table one might ask oneself what the devil the woman was doing in the shop in the first place? Arguing over cost, Doreen stamped her feet so hard that her waters broke ruining a pair of supposedly shower‑proof Russell & Bromley pumps. The shop flooded and a box of frankfurters rode the surf all the way into the street. I understand that afternoon the local canine fraternity ate al fresco.

An ambulance was summoned and the two of us were transported to St. Mark’s Hospital, a run down North London building protected by two toothless, weather beaten stone gargoyles.

Attended in the laundry room by a drunken, chain-smoking proctologist and a short-sighted trainee midwife with a stammer, Doreen was heard to scream,  “Jack…you bastard! Look what you’ve done to me again. I’m being ripped apart by a goddamn shopping trolley!” Despite this appeal for separation, I was not to be rushed. Unborn, I must have sensed that life at its best was basically shit.

St. Mark’s laundry room quickly filled up with family members who would usually only appear in daylight for births, weddings, badly organised tea dances and funerals. Space at a premium, haphazardly parked electric wheelchairs and floodlit Zimmer frames made it extremely difficult to swing a cat, or for that matter deliver a baby. An assortment of twenty odd uncles, aunts and cousins stood around with green gills, in green gowns and masks waiting for me to appear before the effects of their medication wore off. (A close family is an interbred family). Father by the way stood out like a sore thumb. Having arrived straight from the radiation chamber, his ensemble consisted of bright red and orange. I think Ozzie Clark had done him.

Although Doctor Procto finally suggested that Doreen open her legs, I dragged my birth out a further eighteen hours, five minutes and twenty‑seven seconds, during which time the conscious members of my new family rushed the bed in shifts to offer the expectant mother advice on how best to shift the blockage. “Oh do sit up Doreen,” incontinent Aunt Alice said, just before yelling out, “Commode!”  Morris, her course bookmaker husband contradicted her. “No, no, belay that Doreen! Lie down and push,” he said unable to prevent himself vogueing like Madonna in an attempt at passing on betting odds. Blue rinse cousin Pearl shouted,  “Doreen, don’t listen to Morris. Pull, then push!” 

“Push, then pull? Mary Mother of God,” mother screamed in a fake Irish accent.  “I’m not trying to load a blinkin’ torpedo, just give birth to some organic material!”  With Jews to the left of her and Jews to the right of her, the midwife couldn’t get a word in edgewise. I’m sure the speech impediment didn’t help. Father’s younger brother Saul, a dishevelled looking wealthy dry cleaner told Doreen to sit up and push again, then promptly changed his mind as he dropped to his knees in order to retrieve a pickled gherkin that had slipped from his grasp.

Oops! Frail cousin Millicent dropped a second pickled gherkin. Apparently it shot out of her hand whilst she attempted to perform a U‑turn in her Zimmer frame. I guess her generation hadn’t learnt to multi-skill!

Skeletal, Millicent was the black sheep of the family. At a time when Pablo Picasso was still painting by numbers and protected sex meant using a goatskin condom, Millicent’s family had sent her to New York by boat to marry a Rabbi’s son. Unfortunately, her sea voyage was interrupted by a effing great iceberg. Finally reaching The Big Apple, she called off the wedding, abandoned Judaism, adopted Hedonism and followed the early jazz scene. From what I heard Millicent blew both men and their instruments before being introduced to the evils of heroin. Her last fix in the summer of 1958 had coincided with the collapse of the woman’s one remaining healthy vein.

Back to the pickled gherkin! The tongue-tied, short-sighted midwife scooped up the foodstuff believing it to be me, cupped it in both her hands and shouted,  “Make way, it’s a ba…ba…baby!” Unhappy with its colour, the gherkin was placed in an incubator and treated to oxygen.

When I did finally make an appearance, apparently I shot out of Doreen so fast, it is said the umbilical cord cracked like a whip.

Balding cousin Heimi, a part‑time club crooner and a keen amateur sailor stepped forward, I might add without a formal invite and insisted on tying my umbilical cord into a sheepshank prior to the midwife cutting it.

Je-sus, don’t some births drag on! Once the proctologist had checked my oil, he crossed his palm with my buttocks. For goodness sake, I’d only just entered the world and my rear end was already plum worn out. So, there I was, mistreated even before I’d got a fixed address.

Placed in an incubator, the pickled gherkin and I were wheeled onto the baby ward. Oh what tricks life plays on one, for as it turned out the vegetable proved to be the closest thing to a brother I would ever have. Bo-hoo!