CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DAVID CAMERON AND TONY BLAIR?

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Well I cannot tell the difference between the present UK prime minister and the former one, which is most disturbing when you consider they are supposed to come from two entirely different political spectrums!

David Cameron said that we have a moral duty to act on Syria even without United Nations mandate because Pres Assad gassed his own people. Didn’t Tony Blair invade Iraq without waiting for a final UN mandate by shoving non-existent weapons of masturbation down the public’s throats?

Britain is technically bankrupt. The armed forces have suffered major financial cutbacks in both personnel and equipment (planes, trains & automobiles). We’ve only got three or four nuclear submarines, and only two of them are presently operational. A third is in dry dock, and the fourth is being rented out as a restaurant specialising in ‘fusion’ cuisine. As from 08:16 this morning, the Ministry of Defence has only enough money for fuel to send our dwindling fleet on a one-way trip. Fleet Admiral Adrian Klinkpot has said, “Only fire missiles when you can see the whites of their eyes!” Presumably this communication was sent out to his captains in order to save money.

Okay, let us assume for a moment that Assad did in fact gas Syrians to death…who supplied the gas, the ordnance, the guidance system and the firing mechanism? I don’t know why Pres Obama and his cabinet colleagues are so hot under the collar about gassing people, after all, not that long ago the office of the US President authorised the deployment of chemical weapons for use in VIETNAM!

Meanwhile both Russia and the US have sent further warships to boost their military capacity in the Mediterannean as expectations grow of an imminent strike on Syria. Here’s a thought, instead of firing cruise missiles into Syria, or at each other, why don’t Russia and the US and its allies decide the matter over a WATER POLO MATCH? The winner stays, the loser goes home!

UPDATED: 02/09/13.

The UK Government ‘Department for Business, Innovation and Skills’ (BIS) has admitted granting export licences over a year ago for an unnamed UK chemical company to export to Syria potassium fluoride & sodium fluoride, two chemicals capable of being used to make a nerve agent such as SARIN. Although the export licences were revoked before the agents could be delivered, this does show a WILLINGNESS to sell nerve agents.

NEWS ON FURTHER DEFENCE CUTBACKS!

London: Red Telephone Booths

London: Red Telephone Booths (Photo credit: xgravity23)

It appears that the MoD intends auctioning off military airwaves (bands: 2.3GHz & 3.4GHz) to mobile phone companies for use by their civilian customers. Margaret Thatcher was blamed for the selling off of the family silver, was she not? It would appear that the present Government, with no family silver left to sell, is putting its fingers down the back of the sofa hoping to find a few coins. Further more, if in a future theatre of war a soldier under fire needs to call in an air strike, what is he expected to do if the line’s busy…run off to the nearest phone box?

ALL THIS ‘OPTING OUT’ & ‘OPTING IN’ IS MAKING ME CONFUSED!

Food Pornography Poster

Food Pornography Poster (Photo credit: exoskeletoncabaret)

If you DON’T want you vital organs to be used after you’re DEAD, in the UK you must now officially OPT OUT, but if you WANT to receive online porn, you must now officially OPT IN, otherwise your access will be blocked! And if you do opt in to receive porn, ‘BIG BROTHER’ will no doubt keep a list of all possible ‘degenerates!’ It follows that God forbid a young woman is sexually assaulted within say one mile of your home, you will no doubt be INTERVIEWED by the police as a ‘suspect deviant’, despite the fact that you might not have so much as a parking ticket against your name! Let us not forget, it is not just men who view online porn. If Big Brother extends the practice of ‘opting in’ to other online activities, pretty soon all you will be able to view without opting in, are online recipes! DEMOCRACY is slowly being flushed down the toilet!

Of the 650 sitting MPs in the UK Parliament, I very much doubt the 649 who regularly view online porn will take kindly to having to ‘opt in’. I wondered why they all RUSHED to get FREE tablets. I no longer wonder!

BEING JOHN MALCOV…DAVID CAMERON!

Cameron speaking in 2010.

Cameron speaking in 2010. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Families of hundreds of Tamil men and boys seized by the regime descended on the British Prime Minister as he became the first world leader to visit the war-ravaged north of the country since Sri Lanka won independence in 1948. Having travelled to Kannaki refugee camp to meet those whose loved ones are believed to have been killed by the regime at the end of Sri Lanka’s civil war, understandably emotional Camp spokesman Sutharshan Uthayaswriyan, said, ‘We believe in David Cameron’, adding: ‘He is a god coming down to this area. ‘We believe he can make a difference. He is a god and he is sent by God to us.’

Meanwhile, not that long ago…last month in fact, a cache of weapons including a 950,000 volt stun gun was discovered in the car of a taxi driver who said he was on his way to kill Prime Minister David Cameron. Police also found  hammers, kitchen knives, a machete, a Samurai sword and masking tape in Irfaq Naz’s Vauxhall Astra, when he was stopped after going the wrong way down a north London street. Mr Naz was detained under the Mental Health Act and can only be released with the permission of the Home Secretary. Personally, I think the 950,000 volt stun gun was a bit of an overkill, don’t you? Then again, as a living god, David Cameron would probably have laughed it off! I’m patiently waiting for David Cameron to turn water into wine, or the lesser feat, turning around the fortunes of the permanently cash-strapped and under-staffed National Health Service, for next week I must visit a friend at the University College Hospital in central London. I’m concerned as I enter the hospital, someone in scrubs and a surgical mask might, upon seeing this fine figure of a man…an Adonis in fact…may drag me into a cupboard and attempt to remove some of my vital organs! Do you think I’m worrying unnecessarily? Go on, you can tell me!

EMPEROR OF THE WORLD!

British Prime Minister Tony Blair at a news-co...

British Prime Minister Tony Blair at a news-conference in Heiligendamm, during the G8 summit. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Former British Prime Minister Anthony Charles Lynton Blair, Colonel-in-Chief of everything and unofficial Emperor of the World has been heavily criticized for lining his pockets with millions of pounds from legitimate business tie-ups in countries with poor human rights records and little to no democracy; Colombia, Brazil, Albania, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, The Philippines, China, The Maldives, Abu Dhabi, Qatar and Kuwait. I must DEFEND Emperor Blair, for what do you expect from a man without a soul. Soulless, I would do the same! His fellow Bilderbergers (ruled by the evil RA) must be mighty proud! No doubt if an alien invasion force came to planet Earth, it would be Tony Blair who would negotiate their mineral rights while negotiating away our lives. Good on you Sir…you are indeed a credit to the human race!

Isn’t it lucky for the rest of us in the UK that Tony Blair succeeded John Smith as leader of the Labour Party in May 1994. Wait a minute…John Smith died, didn’t he…hmm!

ANGELA MERKEL ‘ANGLES’ FOR DEAL WITH DAVID CAMERON!

English: DAVOS/SWITZERLAND, 29JAN10 - David Ca...

English: DAVOS/SWITZERLAND, 29JAN10 – David Cameron, Leader of the Conservative Party, United Kingdom, speaks during the session ‘Rethinking Government Assistance’ in the Congress Centre of the Annual Meeting 2010 of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, January 29, 2010. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

‘David, my whole life waiting for the right time To tell you how I feel. Know I try to tell you that I need you, Here I am without you, I feel so lost but what can I do? ‘We say goodbye in the pouring rain, And I break down as you walk away, Stay, stay Cause all my life I felt this way, But I could never find the words to say, Stay, FOR F**K SAKE STAY! Love Angela!’

German Chancellor is now buddying up to British PM David Cameron. She now says that it is imperative that the UK stays in the European Union, even if it’s on OUR terms. Previously there was no question of compromise. Ladies & gentlemen, girls & boys, this is all a con! This new GUSH of affection towards Britain is all to do with David Cameron wishing to wriggle out of his PROMISE to give the British people a straight ‘in/out’ referendum on the EU. I told you we will never get it, and we never will!  Liar liar pants on fire! Power to the people? Don’t make me laugh!

A.D. 2029-I HEAR THERE’S A NEW VICAR IN TOWN!

Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the United Kingd...

Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom 1997-2007. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Let us for a moment focus further afield for there is a new vicar of Rome, or Bishop to be precise. The new Pope Inclement 1st has already appeared in St. Mark’s Square in order give his inaugural speech. Anthony Charles Lynton Blair seventy-eight, ex MP for Sedgefield, Leader of the Labour Party, ex-British Prime Minister, ex official Envoy of the Quartet on the Middle East on behalf of the United Nations, the European Union, the United States and Russia, ex two-time President of the European Union and convert to Catholicism has become the new Pope. The same people who once kissed his political arse will soon have the opportunity to kiss the ring on his finger. As political commentator Jeremy Archer of the BBC put it: “One ring is as good as another!”

It is rumoured that one of the first acts as Pontiff will be to anoint his wife Cherie Blair as the first ever female Cardinal. We shall wait and see. Meanwhile the Pope has a brand new aeroplane and it is a Gulfstream jet. Inclement Nee Blair, never one to ignore the bottom line, has already lined up private sponsorship to cover the cost of keeping the jet in the air. Emblazoned on the tail is the pink and green logo of Bingo888. Killing two birds with one stone, this will placate both the gay and environmental groups. Tri colour casino chips of PartyPoker.com is splashed across both wings.

Meanwhile Inclement 1st hadn’t even been introduced to his Swiss Guards when someone suggested having a Forth Crusade, the purpose of which would be to rid Europe of   its unemployed. Soft drink manufacturers are clamouring to offer support. Apparently it gets very hot in the deserts of The Middle East.

THE COST OF BARONESS MARGARET THATCHER’S FINERAL.

English: Margaret Thatcher, former UK PM. Fran...

English: Margaret Thatcher, former UK PM. Français : Margaret Thatcher 日本語: 「鉄の女」サッチャー英首相 Nederlands: Margaret Thatcher Svenska: Margaret Thatcher som oppositionsledare 1975 Русский: Маргарет Тэтчер, бывшая премьер-министр Великобритании (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was pleased to hear that the cost of Baroness Thatcher’s funeral was only £3.6 million. I’m glad the Government decided to DOWNSIZE. Uncle Jerry told me that when he dies he wants to be buried in a simple wicker coffin. I said that I could do better than that. I offered Uncle Jerry a hanging basket.

I’M ONE OF THATCHER’S CHILDREN.

English: The house where Margaret Thatcher was...

English: The house where Margaret Thatcher was born (Grantham) Français : Maison natale de Margaret Thatcher (Grantham) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As one of Thatcher’s Children, I am sure the late Baroness won’t mind me taking full advantage of the State occasion of her funeral to further line my pockets.

I intend taking my burger van to central London with the intention of disposing of three gross of Transylvanian horse burgers that happened to fall into my lap. If my plan works, and there’s no earthly reason why it should not, I will be half way across London by the time anyone succumbs to Bute poisoning or colic.

Thaaank Q very much!