Sweden…star date, today! Fish-factory workers who discovered a perfectly shaped cross on a Norwegian salmon’s belly have now decided to take the Jesus fish on a tour of the country. It’s been years since I read the Bible, but I don’ t ever recall reading Jesus fed the 4000 with salmon! Perhaps this story is a red herring?
According to the OECD, the Organisation for Economic Co-operation & Development, Britain is the tenth happiest advanced economy in the world, up from eleventh last year. Well I’d love to know what WEED the compilers were smoking! Almost everyone I’ve met is miserable. We Brits fear for the economy and constantly worry about immigration and the state of the National Health Service. Economists constantly bang on about ‘economic green shoots’. Well let me tell you, the only green shoots I’m aware of are the green shoots on the menu in my local vegan restaurant, and those in the hands of pushers selling organically raised hash outside the gates of 10 Downing Street.
Nude swimming is being discouraged in Sweden after a new species of fish has been discovered in their waters which enjoys biting TESTICLES. A 21cm PACU fish, a relative of the piranha was found by fisherman in the Oresund Sound off the south coast of the country.
Known in Papua New Guinea as ‘The Ball Cutter’, the pacu has reportedly been responsible for the deaths of two fishermen in the Pacific nation, who died from blood loss after the fish had bitten off their testicles. Well that’s just NUTS! If a gentleman’s unmentionables are bobbing around in the water like bobbins, don’t blame a poorly sighted fish for going in for a meaty canapé!
A Swedish skinny-dipper might consider wearing a CODpiece, for should he survive an unprovoked attack on his bollocks, he faces life as a EUNUCH! So, is it safe to go in the water…you first, for I’ve already ‘gifted’ my balls to the Elizabeth Garrett Anderson Hospital for Woman!
The PACU ‘Nut Cracker’ has migrated to France, and there are fears it could be on its way to the UK’s lakes and rivers. A fisherman in Paris called the river police when he reeled in the frightening looking fish one Friday morning. You would be inSeine to go in the water! Clearly the Pacu is developing a taste for European Community balls!
A poll of European Jews has found that more than three-quarters of those questioned believe anti-Semitism is on the rise in their home countries and close to one-third have considered emigrating because they don’t feel safe. The survey was conducted by the European Union’s Agency for Fundamental Rights. 34% of poll respondents in Sweden and 29% in France said they never wear a Star of David or anything else that could identify them as Jews.
First of all, when things go radically wrong…particularly in economies, well, its traditional to blame the Jews. Secondly, there has never been so much mass migration from East to west before, and many of these migrants are Muslim. For example, here in the UK there are approximately 270,000 Jews, compared to 2.8 million Muslims, Jews modern-day enemy. As we all know, previously it was the Catholics who had it in for the Jews. Furthermore, it does help that Israel receives as much bad press these days as good press. However, it is refreshing to know that in the UK there is a group of people who will never, never raise a hand against Jewish people. The AA (Automobile Association) and the RAC (Royal Automobile Club) are happy to change flat tyres belonging to both Muslims and Jews.
Well, let’s not over react about it, these things happen! Apparently a huge cluster of jellyfish has forced one of the world’s largest nuclear reactors to shut down. Operators at the Oskarshamn nuclear plant in Sweden had to close a reactor after jellyfish clogged the cooling pipes. It won’t be announced until to tomorrow, but I know for a fact the culprits were North Korean trained jellyfish high on Crystal meth!
*Remember, you heard it here first!!
What a clever ploy by the Aussie! The WikiLeaks founder intends running his political campaign from the Ecuadorean Embassy, London. If successful, as an Australian senator Julian Assange will probably be protected from extradition and prosecution for alleged sex offences in Sweden, and probably extradition to the U.S. of A for conspiracy charges appertaining to leaked secret military documents.
My personal opinion is, for what it’s worth, Assange will FAIL in his attempt to get elected, and will at some point in the near future find himself in court.
Western forces used to set up vast tented refugee centres in Third World countries in which fleeing victims of civil wars could live. Now the policy is to invites many of them to live in our countries. Many of them are no longer fleeing for their lives, but from economic hardship. I get it, I really do, but meanwhile Sweden is reeling after a fifth night of rioting in largely run-down immigrant areas of the capital Stockholm. Italy has had its riots, as has France and England. Immigrants cannot expect us to give up to them our jobs and our homes. Furthermore, in times of economic hardship everywhere, if there is no real prospect of immigrants making comfortable lives for themselves over here, then it must be wrong to invite them to stay. If you were to lock a child in a chocolate shop only to tell said child DON’T TOUCH, would not the child throw a tantrum? Western immigration policies do not work! Multiculturalism only works up to a point. If is all a question of ALLEGIANCE, then Christendom must feel like a strange place indeed for someone following an alternative religion.
Thirty-five-year-old far right murderer, Norwegian Anders Brievek who killed 77 people at a Labour Party youth camp on UTOEYA Island in July 2011, accused the governing Labour Party of promoting multiculturalism and endangering Norway’s identity. Sadly, Brievek will be sitting in his prison cell wearing a self-satisfying smile on his face having read about what’s currently occurring in Sweden. ‘Vindication’ he must be thinking! I suspect the prisoner is being inundated by requests for interviews.