IS IT A BIRD…IS IT A PLANE…NO, IT’S A MOSSAD AGENT!

Great synagogue of Tel Aviv- View from the air

Great synagogue of Tel Aviv- View from the air (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A KESTREL captured by residents of Altinavya, a village in the Elazig province of Turkey, and wearing a tag marked “24311 Tel Avivunia Israel” was handed over to Turkish authorities on suspicion of being an ISRAELI SPY. Other than giving its name, rank and serial number, which differed from the tag mark number, the agent of ZION refused to speak, eat or drink. Having survived being ‘water-boarded’ and X-rayed at the Elazig’s Firat University, the kestrel has since been released after HIGH FUNCTIONING Turkish military officials concluded the bird of pray...PREY was not actually in the employ of MOSSAD. On the falcon’s return to Mossad headquarters in Tel Aviv, where it was debriefed by Uri Geller, kestrel 32564 was awarded Israel’s highest military honour, the Medal of Valour!

In 2010 an Egyptian official said Israel-controlled SHARKS could be involved in a number of tourist attacks in the Red Sea, and in December last year an EAGLE carrying an Israeli tag was touted as a Mossad spy in Sudan.

According to DEFRA, (The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs), swarms of Asian HORNETS are heading across the channel to Britain. Invasive and predatory, they attack honey bee colonies. Whether the UK Border Agency intends intercepting the vicious Asian hornet remains to be seen, after all, until now the Agency has had precious little success keeping out the wingless variety of foreigners from our shores!

*Apart from my kestrel embellishments, all the above is TRUE! It appears that many of us are surrounded by MORONS! Jaffa nice day now!

 

 

 

BUNNY HUNTERS!

English: University of Victoria library, bikes...

English: University of Victoria library, bikes, and rabbits. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Using fluorescent protein from JELLYFISH, scientists have bred a colony of rabbits that can GLOW IN THE DARK in a so-called leap forward for developing medicine for life-threatening genetic diseases such as haemophilia. Yeah, right! Researchers in Hawaii and Turkey successfully created the litter of eight rabbits, which included two kits that glow green when the lights are out. Dr Stefan Moisyadi, of University of Hawaii says, the experiment  could help mass produce medication. He added: ‘These rabbits are like a light bulb glowing, like an LED light all over their body.’

Now they have successful created glow in the  dark bunnies, the team is planning to create a fluorescent lamb by November.

My suspicion is that Dr Stefan Moisyadi is a member of a secret far-right group who likes to hunt poor little bunnies in the dark! You bunny hunting BASTARD!!

Updated: 07/11/13.

British entrepreneur Charlie Francis, founder of the ‘Lick Me I’m  Delicious’ ice cream company has created the world’s first glow-in-the-dark ice cream, using…yes, that’s right, jellyfish protein! He has harnessed the fluorescent properties of the marine animal to develop the luminescent snack. The ice cream reacts with the eater’s tongue…raising the pH level in the protein and making it glow. £200 gets you about 2g of the  stuff. Perhaps the ice-cream should be offered to Dr Moisyadi’s glow in the dark bunnies…as their last meal?

TALKING TURKEY!

English: Turkey (bird)

English: Turkey (bird) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This year, pressed for time, I picked out two turkeys from an online turkey match-making site. I ordered two Norfolk black turkeys from the Norfolk Black Turkey Company and picked the two birds up, kicking and screaming from Euston Station. Having promised them jobs after Christmas in a local call-centre specialising in household warranty insurance, them dumb birds quickly calmed down!

Having arrived home, I let the birdbrains out into the garden. Unfortunately I’d left the garage door open and they spotted the ‘stay-sharp’ Shinoko guillotine I’d erected. Well, you can imagine the turkeys reaction! I had intended ‘doing a Russian’, you know…a show trial, where defendants up on trumped-up charges are convicted on fabricated evidence, however, I didn’t want a pussy riot on my hands. It was then my keen eyes discovered the turkeys were close…lesbian close, so, having had a change of heart, instead of butchering the Norfolk blacks, I hired an Anglican vicar called ‘Dave’ to conduct a same-sex wedding ceremony.

This Christmas I’ve decided to break with tradition and have pork. I ordered two pigs from an online pig-matching site and duly picked them up from Euston Station kicking and screaming. Thankfully the call-centre still had vacancies!

RAZOR WIRE OR NOT RAZOR WIRE…THAT IS THE QUESTION!

English: A bunch of Razor Wire atop a chain li...

English: A bunch of Razor Wire atop a chain link fence (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bulgaria is building a razor wire fence on a 30-kilometre (19-mile) stretch of the country’s border with Turkey, which it claims is to try to stop illegal immigration. The three-metre-high fence is expected to be ready by February. It it will run mainly through forested, hilly areas where visibility for border patrols is limited. Defence Minister Angel Naydenov told a news conference in the border village of Golyam Dervent that, “We have enhanced the border patrols, had additional activities in border surveillance, backed by the presence of the troops. No illegal immigrants have entered Bulgarian territory in that particular controlled area.” More than 11,100 refugees, most of them Syrian, have entered Bulgaria illegally this year, crossing the porous 170-mile border with Turkey and the country has faced an influx of migrants that far outnumbers its capacity.

Well perhaps we Brits should learn from the Bulgarian example and erect our own razor wire right around our tiny island in order to keep out unwanted visitors of our own…namely Bulgarians! Happy f**king Christmas!!

ONLINE ‘HALAL’ SEX SHOP!

English: Kaaba at the heart of Mecca. As the n...

English: Kaaba at the heart of Mecca. As the night goes on pilgrims visiting the Holy House. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Turkish entrepreneur Haluk Murat Demirel, 38, claims to have opened the first online sex shop for Muslims, selling everything from lubricants to herbal aphrodisiacs and offering advice on how to have “halal” sex. Apparently  www.bayan.helalsexshop.com, does not sell battery-operated devices, for they are not approved by Islam. Since the site’s launch last Tuesday it has received over 33,000 visitors. My question is this! What is Halal sex? How does it differ from Christian or Jewish sex? Presumably, neither party must face Mecca!

ARE GERMANS RUDE?

English: Goethe Institut headquarters in Munic...

English: Goethe Institut headquarters in Munich Ελληνικά: Η έδρα του ινστιτούτου Γκαίτε στο Μόναχο (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Many British holiday makers would agree…Germans are rude, and this is based upon the German preoccupation with bagging the sun loungers. The Goethe Institute, which is Germany’s  equivalent of The British Council, claims that a number of factors could explain away the stereotype, for example, Germans are famed for their punctuality. The sun comes out early, and so do they! Germans also have a reputation for getting straight to the point, which can be perceived as rude by the British, who can procrastinate. If you really want to witness rude holiday makers, then go to Turkey and watch the Russians at play!

BRITISH TEENAGER KNIFED 17 TIMES FOR STEALING A KISS!

Accession of Turkey to the European Union

Accession of Turkey to the European Union (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dwayne Ward, 17, remains in intensive care in Marmaris, a popular holiday resort in Turkey. He was stripped naked and stabbed 17 times in his throat, chest, groin, legs and back for daring to steal a kiss from a Turkish girl in a bar. Please explain to me the reason behind the EU wooing Turkey to join out happy little community? We have enough backwards members as it is! Even some of my best friends, British born, but of Turkish extraction fear that Turkey may one day join the European Union. Dwayne Ward’s action may well have been deemed to be cheeky, but he certainly didn’t deserve to be TORTURED!