BARNEY THE BEAR!

Replica of the teddy 55PB of Steiff (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel (Blenheim-coloured) lying in the grass. Svenska: En Cavalier king charles spaniel (blenheim) ligger i gräset. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Since ex-show dog Bunnee the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel refuses point blank to learn any tricks that might get us both onto ‘Britain’s Got Talent,’ I’ve been racking my brain to find other ways of increasing my income stream. Down to a few family heirlooms, I called in a guy who runs a local auction. He passed on the 1952 Rosenthal china. He passed on the 1910 gold lacquered rose bowl. He passed on the 1947 crocodile valise. All he was interested in was the broken 1938 Military style pocket watch. Bugger!

I happen to be laying loft insulation when I came across a box I hadn’t seen for ages. Sealed tight in a plastic bag was a Mohair teddy bear. ‘BARNEY…crikey mate, I haven’t seen you for ages!’ Reminded of some excellent childhood memories, I released Barney the bear from exile and treated him to a brush. Apart from a small bald patch on his chest where I had shaved him, Barney was in damn good condition. Bunnee however didn’t appreciate the attention I paid the bear. ‘Steady on girl,’ I said. ‘Barney’s a friend!’

It was then that I noticeed a tag sewn into the bear’s seam. ‘Steiff Original, made in Germany,’ and it got me to thinking. Putting the bear out of Bunnee’s reach, I went on the Internet and did a bit of research. OH MY GOD! I was seeing Pound signs.

The very next day Barney and I high-tailed it to Christie’s auction house in the Old Brompton Road, South Kensington. Upon seeing Barney the Mohair bear a silver-haired lady who identified herself as Gladys Mottrom all but spat out her dentures. ‘Now I had better not get too excited,’ she said, ‘after all, there are some damn fine counterfeit bears on the market.’

‘Counterfeit,’ I said, ‘but who’d wanna counterfeit…bears?’

‘Oh you’d be surprised, especially when you consider that a 1904 limited edition Steiff bear in excellent condition recently sold for well over one-hundred-thousand-pounds.’ Well, it was all I could do from stopping myself break wind!

‘A hundred thousand pounds you say?’

‘But that’s one in excellent condition…yours is not.’ After a thorough inspection and a second opinion Gladys Mottrom turned to me and said, ‘Have you any objection to my colleague X-RAYING the bear?’

‘Err, no, I guess not, but err will it hurt?’

‘It shouldn’t.’

‘I mean I wouldn’t want Barney to get a headache.’

‘He’ll be fine.’

Twenty minutes later and the bear aficionado returned with Barney in tow.

‘Young man, what we have here is an original 1904-1905 Steiff  teddy bear.’

‘But are you SURE?’

‘Do you see the metal button pegged in the left ear?’

‘I do.’

‘Well it’s gold-plated. What do you think it means?’

I shrugged. ‘That Barney’s gay?’

‘You’re obviously not gay,’ she said, grinning. ‘Well, it means that your…Barney is a limited-edition bear.’

‘Wow! But how can you be certain about the age?’

‘Because he has five pads and five claws. After 1906 Steiff bears only had four of each. Another indication are the eyes. They are shoe buttons. Plus the bear’s stuffing is what is known as ‘excelsior.’

‘Excelsior?’

‘Yes, a wood-wool mixture. Now I suppose you would like to know what the bear might fetch in auction?’

‘Of course,’ I replied. Well, when Gladys Mottrom mentioned a figure of seventy-thousand pounds, that was it, I trumpeted Reveille! ‘Would you like to know when the next teddy bear auction will take place?’

In the end, I just couldn’t part with Barney. You see he and I are inextricably linked. I contacted my insurance company and added Barney my Mohair teddy bear to the household contents insurance. Bunnee is none too pleased.