COOKING MY GOOSE!

Long-term girlfriend Julie attempted to cook me a meal last night. ‘How was it? ‘she said. ‘I mean, am I a good cook, or what?’ ‘Darling,’ I replied, ‘didn’t you know different vegetables require different cooking times? And by the way, sticking three different vegetables on a plate and then introducing them to a piece of meat without a sauce isn’t actually cooking…it’s assembling, and trust me, Ford wouldn’t employ you!’ Folks, timing is everything, and Julie’s was off! ‘Darling,’ she said, half giggling, ‘my mum wants to know when you’re going to pop the question!’ I replied, ‘Julie, please thank your mother for thinking of me, but do tell her I’m not really into threesomes!’