SEARCHING FOR ALIENS…I’D RATHER PICK THE OLIVES OUT OF A PIZZA!

SETI@home logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Identified by an international team of scientists using the Parkes Observatory in Australia, and lasting but a few milliseconds, Nasa says it has discovered bursts of radio waves from outside our own galaxy. The cause of the radio bursts is unknown, though they originate from ‘billions’ of light years away. Short radio bursts are apparently tricky to identify. The task of detecting the bursts from local interference – including mobile phone signals and aircraft is enormous, according to the study’s authors. It is even postulated that the radio waves were caused by a super-nova or the merger of two stars. There you have it folks, a FART in outer space. Back to the pool table! But wait…something else is afoot!

Aliens so advanced they use enormous machines to move stars out of their orbits are to be the target of a new hi-tech search for alien life. So far, the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI) has focused on “listening” for ET using networks of radio telescopes.

But as Britain launches its own hunt for aliens – the UK SETI Research Network – one Scottish scientist believes that we may find signs of alien life not in radio signals, but in the form of enormous machines built in space by advanced alien civilisations. Christ, I didn’t realise that Afghan Gold 5* special reserve weed was so strong! Dr Duncan Forgan, from Edinburgh’s Royal Observatory, suggests that we should look for “megastructures” – enormous “mirrors” in space, millions of miles wide, used to propel stars out of their orbits. Roll me one too mate! You’ve been reading too much Isaac Asimov! Apparently. the mirrors would be a sign of “advanced” civilisations – with the power to destroy planets, and with armies of robots on hand to reshape solar systems, says Dr Forgan in an interview with Yahoo! News. Well I’ve never heard so much RUBBISH in my life! Even with a degree in astrophysics, some people don’t know shit from shinola! Meanwhile back on Planet REALITY, the rest of us must WORK for a living!

On the other hand, perhaps I’m being too hasty? If aliens are indeed trying to contact us, could it be the wankers from outer space are seeking a decent vacation spot? If so, I’m quite happy to provide room and board. A few short lets could get me out of a financial hole!? Oh God, I hope aliens aren’t inclined to wet the bed?